Written while slightly intoxicated on my forty-forth birthday

I was saying something today to an online friend who also turned forty-four this year. She said forty-four wasn’t old and I thought  In response that I didn’t know if forty-four was old or not. Yet already at this age I've known a few friends who haven't made it this far. I've also heard of many others who hadn't made it until this age either. So I'm just grateful to have had, not a perfect life, but a fair life to last this long. I’ve known struggles in mental illness, loneliness, fear but I have allot to be grateful for as well.  

I've had opportunities to experience things not every person has in this world. I think God will make that loss up to those people who have alternatively had very difficult lives. It’s just what I think will happen.  

I am grateful for the life I’ve had though. I may live into old age, who knows, but regardless if I do, or I don’t, I've known God here in life as a friend. I’ve been alive here existing as a person in His world with His friendship. I therefore have because of what I’ve experienced through God every reason to believe in a future with Him and to anticipate that future as being full of possibility. I see that prospect as a fairness that will be revealed where what awaits is a better expression of love that is much fairer and more genius then anything encountered here.

 I've really glimpsed a love this world doesn’t even partially have, I have, in talking to God. I long to be in that place where that love is at it's fullest but I know life here for now is a gift and it's to be lived and appreciated. I’d love to be where happiness is full, where you know your loved completely, where there is no anxiety, where there is perfect peace and creativity is unstoppable and unending and there is no more pain emotional or physical. To be where every experience is liberated from every worry is where one day I feel I actually will be. 

As I speculate and lack the adequate insight into just how powerful the reach of the good I speak of is I consider this: We now only glimpse through the millions of species of living creatures the extent of the power that put the world in it's life giving orbiting home here. That force gave opportunity to all life, but especially to our human life, in the unique capacity we have to name these strange but beautiful phenomena and ask questions about them and about us and our meaning and purpose and future.

The ability that allows us to consciously ask the questions about our surroundings is unique to human beings. To wonder as to the force behind all these peculiar anomalies we alone have the unique insight into wondering upon as we’re balanced on an orbiting sphere. This is an underestimated gift.

 It's a peculiar platform we’re on here. This is a really strange anomaly that we’re born to existence as opposed to being a nihilistic example of pure nothingness. Here we are on a peculiar projectile in the Heavens. We are somewhere we human inhabitants here can only wonder about and only claim to understand if we falsely and misleadingly say we know for certainty sake the reason for it in answering what it’s all about. To explain it all away proves to be only inadequate guessing. This life is then packed full of so much grandeur. This kind of possibility like many of us I continue to wonder about.

Billions reach for hope out of this speculation here. Out of historical traditions, our of parables by wise men, and the claims of truth that are said to have come from God intervening in the past in the world, we contemplate this life. We fearfully don’t fully understand the truth. 

This is a marvelous opportunity  however to marvel at the genius puzzle of the uncertain. We are all adventurers, all of us here, for to face the utter unknown like we are and to wonder about it's prospect really is the biggest adventure. We wonder, some of us, about a Being of significant size, of a transcending and creative ability and understanding as to design this all.

This theater of life, I feel, is a gift as much as its a battle of uncertain storms with worry, fear and grief. Yet hope in life having a meaning is ours to look for or perhaps even to find. That hope is there inviting us to venture out on a limb, looking as we live, before the unknown.

A Perfect Place

There might exist a kind place. It’s place of existence there may be a well place to those who know it. Happiness will just abound there uninterrupted always. Life is good there and death is gone as is boredom and hate and immoral pursuits. Such a dreamy place it is.  

Yet in other places, in other lands, in other dimensions maybe, on other planets, in other time frames, those who try to conceive of such a kind place may succumb to the temptation to become realists. 

True it is imaginable such niceness may exist but something about honestly and how reality works makes it a fantasy, a fairytale, a wishy wishy empty optimistic dream for realists. The realists think of such an order, if it were real, as attractive, but settle for brute honesty that life is life, it is what it is. We live, we die, that's that, that’s it. 

 The realists often also can have the most grounded vision of how the world works on certain position although not all positions. They scoff for instance at Noah's ark or they reject the idea God sided with an ancient Israeli tribe that was ignorant of natures forces as they struggled with their neighbors. They see that ancient tribes neighbors as simply being other superstitious tribes of oblivious wondering peasants.  

The idea God favored a bunch of superstitious ancient people compelled to acts of animal sacrifice by justifying them over other ancient tribes doing likewise is ridiculous they can’t help but think. They probably believe that these ancient tribes each struggled in equal bafflement over life’s mystery. So they then find the idea then that God in His righteousness would then slaughter the disobedient tribes in battle hard to conceive. They reason, I think accurately, that the people dyeing by the sword had no legitimate chance or opportunity to know that supposed saving path. They would not even have been given a decent chance at heeding to the calls of a so called Prophet.

The whole matter then for those ancient persons was a strange, cruel organizational process. Myth creating ancient societies made sense of those awful tribal struggles then by the fictitious fables and myths. God they believe favored them in success and they reasoned that they must have disobeyed God when calamity struck. This was their logic. 

The realists probably feel it would not have been clear to any of those people who died in those ancient tribal clashes why they were mistaken or in the wrong. Kings supposedly knew God personally while simplistic underlings just went about the grunt work of doing what ancient peasants did by being forced into compliance of the ruling class.

So when the religious hold to these kind of hopes in providence the realists looking at it all respond to it by seeing no hope in their belief. They see the believers trust as vacant of promise. 

 Nothing is settled finally however. The great unknown around us and what we’re a part of is not tamed, not by the religious or the atheist believers. Truth still dots the sky with its prehistorically sent light that is just now finally reaching the earth from the uncharted depths of the sky. Hidden in that barren depth, way out in the distance in that mystery, maybe is that place of kindness, a Holy sight to see. It may exist as a plan for the world and the worlds wrestling souls. God is still very possible. 

That place may not exist on a physical plain either but be an inch away from where you or I sit. There in that spiritual place not far away from our breath are perhaps all those we love, those we miss, who themselves are calmly and lovingly not far away from any of us.  

If good is good, as some wrestle to see it as, can we expect this struggle, on both sides of the argument, will ultimately find a compassionate response. Truth is too contaminated by differing logical positions to deny any imperfect person a future if fairness is at all in Gods loving nature. There is too much to be argued over and the actors in life are not clearly gifted with adequate insight to see it all perfectly.