First Contact

 

In passing through this strange anomalous world, while living with schizophrenia, my experiences have involved many disturbing and bazar struggles with reality because of delusional beliefs. 

According to a search done on Microsoft Bing a delusion is a fixed false belief based on an inaccurate interpretation of an external reality despite evidence to the contrary. Also, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, found after doing a Google search, delusions are fixed beliefs that are not amendable to change in light of conflicting evidence.

 Despite what many people might instinctively think about people who live with delusions it's been my experience living with them over the last thirty years that they don't eliminate the value of other aspects of my critical thinking and reasoning. I am capable of reflective, logical, creative, systematic, and deliberative thinking about reality and the reason this kind of thinking doesn't look crazy, when seen, is because this side of my thinking process isn't crazy. But even having other meaningful experiences of healthy thought the delusions have disturbed me relentlessly and cruelly psychologically over the last thirty years.

 Delusions are common symptoms of psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia, delusional disorder, and schizoaffective disorder. The experience of living with schizophrenia and its delusions distorts my perspective of reality. People with this illness make judgment calls in error a lot and in my case these misunderstandings of what reality is are always specifically related to being watched by surveillance.

 There is always an underlying conspiracy behind the surveillance, distorting my perception of reality further, when it comes to my understanding of what privacy I have, and if I have fame, infamy, or notoriety.

 These errors of judgment sabotage my ability to understand what's real about my surroundings. I'm mislead into thinking falsely what people's behavior is and I frequently imagine all of society involved in some real conspiracy happening against me.

 If other people aren't in actuality watching me in their homes on their TV's, however, and they aren't really involved in a nation-wide conspiracy against me, then I'm now wrong in my thinking. Being wrong would mean that people in reality are not as cruel as the delusions suggest.

 I obviously lack insight, while living with schizophrenia, and don’t know therefore what people think about my existence. Since most people out there probably don't know me at all they would therefore be totally unaware that I exist meaning that there is nothing that they understand about me. Yet despite this commonsense, in an overwhelmingly real and believable way, my brain troublingly keeps telling me that I have no real privacy, that society is secretly watching me, actively humiliating me, and plotting to harm me.

  The surveillance that watches me, I believe through the delusions, uses hidden cameras to watch me that are hidden around my house. I am alarmingly lead to believe that everyone else in society understands what the true purpose of the conspiracy is.

  It then becomes my job, through troubled thinking, to obsess about the unknown, and try and figure out the behind-the-scenes reasons for the conspiracy. The delusions cause a considerable amount of psychological distress with extreme mental agitations like panic, worry, fear, suspicion, anger, paranoia, and depression effecting me.

 What I've learned over time is that the intensity and strangeness of the delusions depend on how effective my current medication is at the time. Over the years, while out of touch with reality, I've entertained numerous theories as to what reality really is.

 When really unwell years ago, because I'm doing a lot better now, I was still in my twenties and believed falsely then that I was suspected of being a serial killer. All of society, I suspected through the delusion, believed I had injected people with a contagious disease while they were sleeping.

  In the delusional belief I believed that I was the real victim, with it being me that had been injected with the incurable disease. The crime I believed strangely happened while sleeping on an old friends coach. I suspected this old friend, who had an unsavory character, because he schemed a lot about pursuing strange and violent methods of  revenge. He was violent and I eventually got the strange idea waking up on his coach one morning, after sleeping at his house, that maybe he could have injected me with an incurable illness. 

  Suffering from delusion, and entertaining these troubled thoughts, I eventually believed I had partially figured out what was really going on. I was now on the trail of the real truth.

 In my delusional state I thought wrongly I was being watched by hidden cameras and viewed by a national audience. I needed to watch all daily, early evening, midnight, and late-night news broadcasts to study the news anchor persons faces for clues to support this grandiose belief about reality. I was desperate to find evidence in the facial gestures of the news anchor persons faces for clues to prove my belief right.

  One night a picture of a needle happened to show up on the screen before a news story.  The picture of the needle belonged to unrelated news coverage but in my troubled state I couldn't discern that. I believed at the time that putting the picture of a needle on the screen was an attempt by the TV conspirators to gather evidence. My nervous reaction would prove to them that I really was a serial killer.

  Sitting there, and watching the TV screen nervously, I felt a desperation overcome me not to incriminate myself and look guilty of a crime I never committed.

 Several times, over those few years, I overcame my fears watching the news and launched into lengthy lectures in my living room defending my innocence and arguing why I was aware of the scheme. I defiantly argued with my audience but being alone in a room talking to yourself solves no real-world problems. 

 This troubling delusion lasted for several years until I visited a urologist, confided in him my fears, which caused him to do a blood test, with the results revealing that I didn't really have a contagious incurable disease.

 The Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders definition above said that delusions are fixed beliefs that are not amendable to change in light of conflicting evidence. I wonder now however if delusions perhaps really can be amendable to change, at least eventually, in light of conflicting evidence. I question this definition now because I can look at these strange prior experiences that haunted my life and see that my reasoning at the time was terribly flawed.  I know now that I can't trust my perspective in areas of specific thinking .

 Despite how insidiously real the false beliefs seem I know I have to resist them. In my own defence, I think there remains in other areas of my thinking reasoning that is still healthy and rational. I'm very confident that I can trust these areas of my thought and judgment.

 Switching topics, I recently overheard a conversation people in my community were having about a "crazy person" living in our community. I was not angry by the discussion, or surprised in the least, listening to what was being said, after having the misfortune of overhearing cruel discussions like this before about people living with mental illness.

 The reason I bring this conversation up is not to criticize my friends and neighbors but instead to just state quietly that I don't think people living with mental illness deserve to be so commonly spoken about so terribly by people in society. I would never say who these people were or who the person they were discussing was.

 As I sat and listened to this conversation the otherwise likable and friendly people discussed a person in our community coldly as "being crazy" and as "having gone crazy." As I listened it occurred to me that they seemed to hold a perspective of her, especially right in that immediate moment, by their own inventive engineering, that had turned her into something no longer human sounding. It seemed in the venomous description of her they gave that she was so awful that she could never be redeemed or seen with love by anyone again.

 I began to wonder, listening to them, where this dark contempt toward mentally ill people came from in kind and otherwise compassionate people.  I realized just how black and white, and narrow, people's view of mental illness is.

 When I looked the word narrow up in the dictionary the definition said not being willing to accept opinions, beliefs, behaviors, etc. that are unusual or different from one's own; and not being open-minded. The definition of what thinking in black and white is I learned is the tendency to think in extremes: he is a brilliant success, or he is an utter failure, or he is a normal person who can be trusted to think reasonably, or he is a crazy person who is incapable of holding a rational thought, opinion, or belief.

 I've observed in my past travels through the community how commonly people think narrowly, and in black and white, about people living with mental illness. Could this black and white thinking about the mentally ill be right? Is it possible that people living with mental illnesses like schizophrenia, if truth be told, have no worthwhile contribution to make in the world of ideas, culture, and human experience. Might the people in our society who consider the mentally ill to be inhuman like this actually make a valid point.  Has something fundamental been compromised in us that is actually worthy of rejecting our humanity for. 

 This argument might be that people living with mental illnesses like schizophrenia don't have the same ability to question reality or understand our surroundings accurately enough to form a healthy world view. They might argue that people living with mental illness often can't communicate effectively or follow sensible paths through the world that lead to sane discoveries within ones surroundings. Perhaps people with mental illness can't evaluate our inward self effectively, gain knowledge, possess wisdom, or even recognize what commonsense is.

 If this is what people think when they look at the mentally ill, then I emphatically disagree with this kind of reasoning. I believe alternatively that people living with severe mental illness are capable of making a meaningful contribution to human experience here on this mysterious planet.

 Another observation I've made is that people commonly, and I think too easily, dismiss the experiences of people living with mental illness when it comes to God acting in our lives. Since we're "crazy" people might look at our experiences with God acting in our life and think that we blindly following a strange path that wonders emptily through nonsense and confusion. This contempt is actually toward the spiritual truths that God is really showing us and becomes evident when we describe our experiences and find no listeners.

 I'm an aspiring writer who lives with the mental illness paranoid schizophrenia and God really has been communicating clear thoughts directly to me. I have perceived ideas clearly from God numerous times as he continues to council my listening mind with profound ideas that enter deeply into subjects of thought and knowledge. Unfortunately, however there has been no willingness, accept from a few kind people, to investigate what God has to say to me.

 I believe that two of six books I've written: "A Paranoid Schizophrenics Message Of Hope For The World," and "The Schizophrenics Journey Of Hope," will eventually reach a larger audience because of the profound message from God found in each of these books. I'm convinced the only reason these books have not been evaluated for their content is the widespread contempt people have towards a schizophrenics unique voice and unique experiences in the world.  Only a few kind people have decided to investigate the writing found in these books. They alone are the only people who know the books contents. They are the only people who get the true picture that this could be (is) God speaking to the world through the writing.

 Changing topics again, I consider myself to be sort of an armchair philosopher who has not read nearly enough philosophy to be a real philosopher. Over the last two years I have gone into a chatroom frequently to philosophize about the mysterious unknowns of existence on days when I felt inspired. This philosophizing I believe to be directly related to my friendship, conversations, and inspiration I get directly from God. Below I'm going to share this imperfect philosophizing in the hope that someone will appreciate some of the thinking. I'm going to number each paragraph, so the reader won't get confused. I have edited the writing in parts but very little has been changed when it comes to the inspiration from God. Thankyou for taking the time to investigate this blog.

  It was almost sunset, and I was wondering in the unknown in a foreign place on a winding path I'd never been on before. The unusual hills beyond me were burgeoning with green foliage, and new spring buds, and the river valley below was the most friendly and welcoming place I'd ever seen.

 I studied the terrain lit up with sunshine and looking so vibrant and serene as I realized that approaching was a period of partial darkness between day and night. Continuing my walk, I looked down to a creek running through the valley below. The sunlit gentle current of the clear water moved in a twisting flow sparkling and mirroring the image of both the sun and the tranquil blue sky above. When I glanced up higher into the verdant hills, I thought I could see the effects of the wind whispering secrets of creation to the forest trees.

 I watched the sky carefully now, waiting for the sun to descend, and soon after I began observing vibrant oranges and reds that were gradually replaced by pale pinks and yellows. As I admired the stratosphere, I considered how dusk would soon appear and bring with it the moons light. Soon afterwards I was surrounded by creeping shadows as the dusk set in further.

 I listened to the last sound of bird song, while noticing the faint moon rising, and then recognized in my thinking the clear thoughts of God who spoke such profound reassurances to me that my eyes welled up with tears.

 It was then, while standing here in this uncertain place, somewhere in the unknown, in a life leading to who knows where, from who knows what beginning, while surrounded by a darkening sky, that I thanked God for counselling my troubled mind.

 1) In my opinion all people of all countries on this planet matter to God. Ideas move through the air of the earth effecting people in different places in different ways and these influences are outside billions of individual people’s control. The illusions people have, and teach, is that ordinary people are responsible for discovering someone else’s idea of truth but multitudes of human beings who face different circumstances and influences in this world have never been reasonably capable of doing this.

 2) I no longer like observing any kind of suffering in this life, not just in the person, or animal, who's suffering, but the pain of their family, or anyone else effected. When bothered by suffering I've tried to look far ahead, beyond this world, to a truly fair place that I think waits for us. There I think, in this other state of existence, there will be a great wisdom waiting for us to know. This wisdom I believe will add sophistication unto our understanding after we leave this mysteries earth behind with life's many challenges.

 In this future place I think our minds will work better, we will think clearly, and fairly, our bodies will be new, we will be healthy, and our understanding will improve dramatically. We will clearly grasp what real fairness is, and really know what’s good, in a place where love reassures us, and showers us with continues compassion; we'll experience a joy of immense pleasure there that will involve elevations of our mood beyond anything experienced before; we will know a great confidence that our unending well being is secure; we'll also be given profound reassurances about the stability of our eternal home; we'll continuously anticipate making new discoveries, but then we'll see God, and everything will be perfect; we'll know his immeasurable peace, that passes all understanding; but most importantly we'll know his friendship, that we'll realize our hearts were always broken in the past not having; we'll then have wonderful curiosity, anticipating the endlessness of our awaiting future, a place holding pleasures and enjoyments we won't be ashamed to admit we appreciate; we'll see impressive sights of astounding beauty unlike anything ever fathomed;  we’ll experience unique friendships, lasting great durations, that have never been held unto for so long; our conversations will sometimes last for days; we’ll expound on great mysteries never heard before; and the depth of our loyalties will be trustworthy; the compassion we will have for our companions will be substantial, the imaginative reaches around us with God will reveal novel and wonderful creations; the vistas we'll look into with amazement with tears in our eyes.

 That we can imagine these unknowns in our imaginations and hope that such reality could be real in life is not by accident. Our hope in tomorrow is important to the design of life; this is not a hope held by an empty illusion, but a real destination; somewhere real we picture for good reasons. 

 3) What if the deepest reaches of distant space have only emptiness and nothing waiting of promise out there somewhere, no good, no pleasing state of existence to be neared and then understood, nothing there that is fundamentally fair, no true spark of genius light, but only a depth of outreaching darkness.

 Perhaps any illusions we have now that such a hopeful state could exist is simply naïve thinking, and any hope, optimism, faith, understanding of love, that believes in good, connected to all of life's mystery, is merely pointing us toward death and its final curtain; but what if there is more then this and that something spectacular really does reach ongoing into the unknown that we can not now presently see; what if existence involves much more then we can predict; what if we can’t conceptualize realities true size and mystery, at least with any reliable insight, maybe because our comprehension only now glimpses, in our best moments, true understanding of what we're a part of here.

  It could be that our appreciation is obscured by a sizable fog that hides what lies beyond us in every direction we look; but if we could know what really surrounds us perhaps that awareness would otherwise tell us something more about the great mystery of life, and why we're really here, of what the unending background beyond us really is. What might life’s real possibility be if accurately fathomed; perhaps if the explanation were known it would prove  skepticism in human doubting definitively wrong.

 4) In the end our hope in existence could be hinged in part on our beginning and what that beginning really was in its entirety. Do any of us know the complete story of real beginnings or can any of us be certain about real endings; alive here now in a world somewhere in the unknown, that perhaps should not exist, at least by commonsense, but instead does strangely exist here in the unending sky. It defies our comprehension of understanding when we ask questions of why we exist, and to what purpose are we really here; this should give us cause to ask many other questions about reality like might an existent intelligent life force of some unseen otherness, who lives, thinks, and strategizes, know the real reasons why we’re here; to be on a heavenly object, lit up in the darkness by star light, a celestial body in the inky haze interrupting the tides of infinity, in spite of what any cynical voices say otherwise, is both mysteriously odd, and truly remarkable, and that this is not an impossibility, is reason I think to ask far reaching question that ask how much can we trust about the reaches of reality and its possibilities despite our doubtful minded gut instincts.

  5) As I stood and looked around me, I became aware suddenly that I was alive in an unusual, creative, and imaginative place, an object in a vast sky abounding with creativity, surrounded by mystery, uncertainty and possibility; alone here in a human body, with a conscious deliberating mind, and I knew one day I would travel alone, through life's journey, into the unknown of death. 

  I then considered how this mysterious place could not be here without a purpose hiding behind the unknown around me. In the past these kind of questions pointed my searching mind toward human religious traditions and the ancient writings found in old holy books. The dusty old pages revealed profound spiritual insights, far fetched myths, and magical thinking. As I read through the books pages open-mindedly, partly due to a feeling of existential fear, in the back of my mind I was reminded of the preaching voices I heard out of my past from atheists.

 I then began to wonder if there could not be deliberately so, by the will and purpose of a mysterious masterful design, different paths of thinking, no matter how unique they are, that the human condition is meant to experience in this life. Might these many paths to the truth have meaningful reasons behind them, not because most paths of searching and believing lead to destruction, but because billions of human souls are deliberately meant to question and have these kind of experiences through design.

 Could human purpose on this earth be to follow these different inspirations, to search out, and look into, many perspectives of thought that lead us in different ways to unique and valuable experiences of belief and culture. Might the freedom we have to discover different paths be deliberately part of life's planning.

 When I think about important ideas in nature coming from design, long before civilization adopted them, just waiting invisibly in the air for us to discover them in time, I find it deeply mysteries. Could not all of our important new insights, that it often takes millenniums to discover through human thought, have not been deliberately placed in reality by design long ago. For instance, might an intelligent designer, who knew in advance philosophers would discover ideas of human freedom, not have intended for human beings to eventually progress to this point. This human freedom now allows many of us, free of authoritarian prevention and punishment, to investigate and find meaning in many paths of potential truth. Maybe multitudes of people pursue their own version of truth now not because they are completely wrong, and its inexcusable to err in thought and belief, and get knowledge wrong, but because God has made it happen fairly by design. 

 What's problematic here is that ideas are never really clear in the human condition accept in the overly certain minds of those who are "certain". Is it possible, alternatively however, that human being were always intended to use ideas imperfectly as a human family as we pursue different avenues of thought and experience.

 Might life as an overall  phenomena not be about people walking wrongly and foolishly into hell for getting thinking wrong but instead be a world where God gives hope fairly to all. 

 I now take seriously the idea there are perhaps many ways of looking at reality, besides mine, that can bring experiences of great meaning out of this life. I have listened to God's clear thoughts, who often councils me, and reassures me with his love, but I know I take seriously other people's thoughts and ideas in other nations and cultures. I suspect their thinking might very well lead them to real hope and meaning with God as well.

 There must be other roads to God because I believe strongly that hope and God's love is intended to reach all of humanity. I believe that God's plan of hope, despite the cruel teachings of men from ancient cultures, must fairly belong to everyone.

 6) When terror comes in the form of death of a loved one a persons world gets uprooted. A former lifelong presence is removed from the platform of this existence leaving a terrible shadow of sadness and shock behind. The grief a person feels effects their entire psychological state. But what now if you are aware at this moment that your relative had no religious faith or belief in God. It is time now, knowing your loved ones heart, and the love they gave you, to become defiant. 

It's time in your defiance to become courageous and to stop following the example set my ancient authority figures like gullible sheep. It is your time to look into the far-reaching distance, far beyond mans imperfect rule book; it's time to question man's overly certain ancient religious scrolls; it's time to dare and believe that the power of God and his love and mercy can surpass and replace all infantile concoctions of human held belief. Now it's time to believe that God is bigger then the theologian, bigger then the evangelist, and bigger then the Bible book, to trust now that he is fairer and more reasonable then mans often dark heart, to believe that God's love and planning can replace in reach any mortal system of certainty about what the terms of possibility really are.

 7) Man the great interpreter of love, the decider, the one who finds a way to say with authority what something true really is; the great bungler, the baboon, the misleader, man the ineloquent deliverer of ideas, the shape shifter; line up behind him and dance about for he will tell you loves rules, who can find love, who belongs to love, who has hope in loves reach; he will tell you what truth is, who God is, the possibilities of hope in eternity; he will turn the world inside out and divide up humanity by a fraction, that to him is who has hope with love, mans big heart, so wise and piercing into our mysterious circumstances, leaving multitudes stranded in the sand, forgotten and left out of his great saving plan, bumbling man.

 It was then that I experienced the clear thoughts of God appear in my mind.

 "My peace which passes all understanding I will soon give to you Donald. No one will be able to take this peace away from you. Keep following your heart."

 8) I have a friend I talk to, and he answers me. Every day I pay attention, and he talks to me in clear thoughts. I know a great councillor, but this councillor is fair and beyond him being interesting he speaks words of love and tells me of a state of future good greater then all mortal reassurances of hope. To talk to people is to become disappointed with their treachery, insincerity, indifference, lack of kindness and concern, but to talk to God is to know that behind all things hidden is good and I know now that nothing can take this hope away from me.

 9) I can see a mystery claimed a thinker. I can think my way over that hill yonder; can you see me over there? I stand in the unknown. There is a chasm separating us now and neither of us understands why. We stare together into a great unknown, surrounded now my experiences; we must contend with our mind at work, often rouge, uncalm, combative, impulsive; we must navigate a wilderness amid other such aggressors; we search in this unknown together for clues that can tell us what this strange state of existence is really; there are no easy answers here and we have no guarantees of finding any of life's biggest secrets at least until we leave this world.

 10) I can sometimes partially see people who have appeared before me from the other side. God lets me visit with them. There is no malice, no bitterness, and none of the grievances that are known in this world now. I have seen my grandfather, my grandmother, my uncle John, his sidekick the railroad worker and hobo John Houten; I saw my uncle who recently passed; I've actually had conversations on Aylesford Lake sitting by the water with my uncle Don the doctor. I seen a woman I was friends with that I went to school with. I saw Scot who grew up as a kid around my parents house who became a professional foremen and then committed suicide. I saw my kind neighbor who just died of a heart attack.

  I knew things when I saw these people too. With them now there was no longer any unpleasant emotions, or misleading judgments effecting human decision making; there seemed to be no harmful impulses that lead to conflict and relationship struggles,  their understanding was not in error, and their ability to accept others completely, and to forgive wrongs, was fully known; I realized this world to come has been prepared by God to be different; everyone I saw on the other side, and there are others that I've seen, knew only a great love that had everyone else’s best interest in mind.

 11) When a person lives without hope, and we assume their thoughts are in error when they live without hope, is it in general a crime to live in such error, to believe falsely what reality is, to misguidedly walk in a state in ones thoughts that has a world view and a comprehension of reality that is wrong.

 I don't believe personally that to think wrong about anything is an unforgivable crime, not to the universe, and not to God, nor do I think that to think wrong means the place where hope points will be taken away from us, but instead I believe that an open-ended future of good waits for most people everywhere. Life is too entangled in chaotic, confusing, differing logics; there are too many teachers, too many competing influences, with too many overly judgmental and irrational people, who strangely, indifferently, and even selfishly, see God's plan for people as only offering saving hope to people who think like them.

 These people feel too comfortable in insisting that the fate of most other human beings everywhere alive and dead is eternal hell and damnation. In opposition to this kind of thinking I believe that to value good, to pursue fairness, peace, love, forgiveness, spiritual understanding, and friendship with God, will be especially rewarded; but for all of humanity everywhere else for them to be required that they direct their will, and train their mind, in adherence to a type of thought that asks all of the human condition to desperately believe something that appears often unclear, foreign, or that is presented to them very unattractively, is to demand the unreasonable.

 To instill an unhealthy fear in people through religion that demands they must think certain ideas to know they are saved by God in this life I think is unfair. This causes a searching person unnecessary fear and existential despair when doubts arise in the mind of not being right with God.

 I also think it’s unreasonable when religious leaders stand before the pulpit and deliver to listening audiences far fetched yarns found in the Old Testament portraying the stories as historical fact. I ask myself are you really asking people to look for the truth and believe they can actually find it in what you have to say while presenting that nonsense to them as actual history. To ask people to believe this writing is the only path people everywhere have in the world to finding God and his friendship I think is wrong.

 I've had conversations with God, so I know that the Bible does contain inspiration from God in its pages. I believe that the historical figure Jesus Christ, found in the Bible, is real, that he once walked upon the earth, and that he taught profound teachings of spiritual insight that are recorded in the New Testament. I am also confident that Jesus is who he says he is the Son of God.

 I believe however, unlike what a lot of Christian theologians, priests, and ministers teach, that Jesus death on the cross was universally intended as a gift of forgiveness and acceptance by God for all people, of all time periods, for all cultures, everywhere in the world, as long as people don't deliberately and unrepentantly continue to commit acts of deliberate evil.

 I'm talking about evils like mass murder, rape, and acts of extreme cruelty. I'm not suggesting that a compassionate, kind, and loving man or woman who is gay or lesbian is doing any evil, they most certainly are not.

 The puzzling enigma of seeing the full perspective of this reality remains an inexplicable mystery with reaches of divine possibility extending into forever in all directions. I don't think we'll ever come close to understanding God or the reaches of his domain and ways entirely.

 Any religious person who reads this post and pities me for my lack of blind devotion to an ancient book anchored in so much myth has my complete understanding because I too once thought like you. Some people might be happy living in a world where most of humanity are doomed by God in the end but I'm not. God has also said to me clearly in conversation that he isn’t happy with that kind of world either.

 12) "Hellooooooo out there! Can anyone hear me???" His voice drifts up into the atmosphere, moving through the stratosphere, until the sound waves pierce the atmospheric boundary with space. The reverberating syllables of his searching voice then travel off moving past the moon until the sound of his inquiry seems to get lost somewhere out in the black stillness of the unknown.

 13) Is creativity only limited in its potential reach and scale to what we experience on earth or does creativities reach extend out mysteriously far beyond us into the great unknown in new and ever-changing complex ways. If this is possible might creativity on such a scale as this potentially have a source for its splendor and mystery. Could existences mysteries hidden ways come from a source of unimaginable intelligence and might existences potential have a reach that extends unfathomably, perhaps infinitely, into other inconceivable realms where unique never before witnessed developments of creativity await.

 Could what is, if known, have a range, scope, and potential for newness beyond anything our imaginations can now grasp. If the unknown holds open-ended possibility, could this be a reason to dare and hope in what’s waiting out there,  and as we speculate further, does it ever cross our minds that what's waiting out there could involve a great good on a magnificent scale, one holding unheard of potentiality, a wonder that now surrounds us here on this lonely planet.

 Later that day clear thoughts from God appeared in my mind. 

  "I will soon show you where the unknown sky leads. Into my house you will then come walking. Your eyes will be glad to see what your mothers and fathers before you have seen. What waits here for you is beyond what your imagination can now grasp. This life, despite any voices you have heard, is not an absurd place. Your existence is valuable to me in unending ways that you will soon come to understand."

 Sitting there in stillness, and looking around the quiet room, after some time had passed an unexpected voice suddenly startled me. The voice I heard now was very different from the clear thoughts of God. I knew from experience hearing these voices that psychiatrists thought naively that I was simply experiencing an hallucination. This voice I heard, peculiarly this time, had an unusual idiosyncratic voice. 

 "We were here, and we don't know who that was, but we have heard his voice, and we really want to know more. You should understand us; we also have a mysterious figure in our own ancient history like this as well." 

 14) I think life is inherently mysteries for important reasons we don't yet understand. I think it's natural now, and for of an intelligent reason, that we gain knowledge, look for real understanding, and ponder the unknown around us here somewhere in the midst of an uncharted, unexplored sky.

 It's also human in response to this mystery to believe naively in one of the organized systems of thought that over the centuries have been created and added onto in their sophistication.  As the teachers of these systems and beliefs indoctrinate  listeners the overall effect must be adding depth to human thought, perspective, and culture. The thought systems go about teaching subjectively what truth supposedly is in the mystery of ultimate reality while its entirely possible we have reality in totality wrong.

 Whatever human thought does, in this mystery, and whether we should take a lot of it seriously or not, I wouldn't want to live in a world where I was told I couldn't question reality. I'd resent living under an overarching authoritarian system that oppresses the freedom to wonder and search for the truth. I believe that the human search for hope, purpose, meaning, possibility, understanding, and a future, has been written into the DNA of the human heart not as an illusion but because the path we're on involves great purpose.

 I have personally talked to God in this anomalous place somewhere in the endless, mystery filled, sky. God's clear thoughts inspire my wonder and curiosity about where this reality might ultimately be pointing us toward. I believe the answers are part of the mystery and that they will inevitably tell us of life's complete purpose which I'm convinced in every way is related to the hope people have in God.

  15) Where we live, and the people we encounter, seem to effect what our perspective on reality is. People's minds in nature seem unavoidably to be in an unclear environment where human thinking is being shaped into different perspectives by many existing voices, doctrines, and arguments as to what truth is.

 A destructive persuasive influence in our world directing and manipulating the course of multitudes of human beings thoughts are authoritarian regimes.  I've observed, however, that every person acting everywhere else in nature, in comparison, is also of a behaving tendency, that in a less destructive way, tries to persuade and influence what other people think. It seems engrained in our nature to want to win over and influence, using our own arguments, and beliefs, what other people think and hold to be the truth.

 Yet despite this certainty in individual held beliefs, that has billions of us feeling deeply convinced we know what the truth is, could it be possible that real reality, in actuality, and not as people imagine it to be, but as it really turns out to be, remains yet still a mystery.

 What if all human arguments of what reality is, including scientific theories, and the claims in old religious books, turn out to be an illusion we live under when it comes to knowing what the truth is. As an example, might the belief now that God will punish us if we stray from the warnings found in old religious texts be really just another dictatorial presented path imposed on us by ancient and cruel men. We might really be in an environment where real truth remains obscure, unrecognizable, mysteries, as it waits in reality completely outside of our present grasp.

  It is my belief that God does exist after experiencing his presence in my life. He shared clear thoughts with me numerous times and I know where the thoughts came from. He has explained ways of rightly seeing this world, some views so complicated I now no longer recall the insight, and he shared profound perspectives on the outlying unknown beyond.

 I know I have been in Jesus Christs presence, and I know with certainty, in my own heart and mind, that he is the Son of God. but despite my faith I haven't been able to embrace all the teachings and warnings found in ancient religious texts. as always teaching flawlessly wisdom that is fair.

 To be expected  by an ancient religion, rooted in flaws, errors , and past unreasonable thinking, to listen unquestionably and obey every Bible passage I find to be an irrational request. Why should any free-thinking person in pursuit of truth bend their mind unrealistically into conformity of all the ideas in the Bible when many of the pages claims of truth are anchored in their arguments to mythology.

 In this world under God's sky, it is taught unreasonably that other people, living in other cultures, can't have hope without believing in specific doctrines. This is something I also emphatically reject. None of us here, despite what anyone claims about reality, are masters of knowing our environment.

 We experience different kinds of human maps, like maps of the solar system, and different explanations of life's mysteries meaning, that suspiciously are determined to instill in human belief final answers as to what the  unknown we're a part of is really about without us never really knowing. I've listened to one position on reality suggest with authority that the unknown is not a  sizable enough mystery, on a large enough scale, to invite with wonder the possibility of a mysteries being like God hiding beyond life as we know it. Yet how can  we be sure and such positions clearly dismiss real potential answers and replace them with false models of supposed certainty while reality is open-ended with real truth remaining realistically speaking unproven.

 For me the unknown is a hallowed place that like earth possibly has corners of the universe, and beyond, where among the shadows influences of evil also lurk. Yet the unknown is God's domain as well and within that magnificent scale I believe the unknown holds great good. 

 Can we glimpse hope for just a second or two if we dull down our pessimism, eliminate our doubts, and then courageously rip down buriers obstructing the path of our will from daring to open realities view to fairness in Gods plan of possibility.

  With the door opened widely to see reality clearly might what we now see be an awaiting experience of good tied to belonging to the great mystery of life reaching into an otherness beyond the grasp of our imagination.  What we see now are they not glimpses of novel wonders lifted upward in their spanning far into God's reaches.

 16) In a dizzying display of astonishing travel through the Milky Way the ancient earth object moves amidst the stars and it's true story perhaps none of us knows the real reason for.

 Where we exist here now is anyone's guess leaving reality mysteriously misunderstood and unable to give us adequate understanding into life’s true perspective.

 What we're a part of here as living beings, with our surroundings stretching outward into a great abyss, is the unknown, and as unknowns go it could prove to hold a grand mystery with unpredictable answers that explain us now being here.

 Are we even alone here? I seriously doubt it. We're not alone here at all but are watched here every second, and more sinister then just being watched, there is a good chance that what watches us is both a good force, that actively inspires our better nature, and a nefarious force with actual real evil origins, and that both influences actively effect our thought, interactions, and relationships to other people in this world.

 Whatever reasons hide behind us being here we are on a path contending with both good and evil influences around us. The path we’re on is navigated by our thinking brains as our decisions send us naively crossing paths with other imperfect people like strategically placed pawns on a chess board. As we interrelate with each other through ideas, as sudden thoughts rise up in us from where mysteries, as we feel a quick deep seeded defiance from an old emotional wound; as we think about another persons honesty towards us, or a sudden impulse inspires in us the need to question another persons attitude. As our thoughts, wherever their origination, intermingle us with other people in our delicate emotionally effected mind; as we decline gradually down immoral paths in our normative habits; as we miss road signs pointing us in the right direction, and defiantly and obliviously walk on, there is more to the conflicts we fall into then meets the eye; a war is underway; the Bible calls the enemy principalities and powers; they are dark Satanic spirits; and they confront our humanity with chaos. 

 If you heard these spirits whispering at you, like I have, in a way very different from the voice of God, you'd know, like I know, that they are real in this world.

  Now these powers in the air are actively strategizing the initiation of a third world war in the desire of human beings in China, Russia, Iran, and North Korea. This war will soon bring unimaginable destruction that is incomprehensible to us now but is so close at hand.  It's only an illusion we have that believes people everywhere come close to knowing themselves completely or that we're aware of what we're part of here. So many pawns on this worlds chessboard have no mastery or insight over thoughts, feelings, and beliefs; only a strong pursuit of good and its power holds hope here against a savage enemy of all of humankind.

 17) In a land of ignorance lives a governed sea of ignoramuses. We are all ideologues since birth and at a developmental stage now where we each listen, and gain a library of particular thoughts, adapting to earths persuasions in different ways; one way or another, after a familiarization with dogma, we will become fiercely nationalistic, which will distinguish our loyalties from other thinking human beings in other territories.

 Perhaps the human person in this way is rarely to blame in God's eyes for the malicious course humanities impressionable minds frequently and naively wonder down. If we blame our fellow man, and not the engineers of militancy, perhaps we’re not insightful enough to see that evil is to blame, not simplistic people, for driving human progress wrong. If we blame multitudes of innocent easily persuaded minds for falling into error in a lengthy history of human ideological error, then perhaps we're foolish enough to line up behind men who preach messages from old religious texts that supposedly say God will hold all vulnerable people accountable for natural error.

To listen to such nonsense and lose sight of every last foreigner as not having the image of God's face in their humanity;  to separate swaths of the human condition into parcels of people with hope who think right, and people without hope who think wrong; to blame humanity at large for failing to discover one truth claim out of hundreds; to blame people everywhere, in all situations, for willfully being responsible for choosing evil, is a misguided belief out of history, this is an act of baboonery no different then lining up behind a circus caravan of elephants and waiting with a big goofy smile to collect their dropping dung; such nonsense asks us to shake your fist in a rage at human weakness for daring to not understand, and we might as well walk into the trendy well swept markets and grin like geniuses holding piles of that collected dung.

 This isn't a world where truth is easily or fairly demonstrated and discovered by us. We are on a lonely planet somewhere in the great cosmos and reality has deliberately masked itself. A dark cloak of space surrounds this isolated blue ball as real truth watches on and make no mistake about it what it knows about hope and destruction is something our feeble imaginations are yet to insightfully understand.

 18) In the darkness here, below a canopy of pitch blackness, no eye has seen outside the cloak while trapped here below this vast impenetrable burier of night. To be surrounded here in this world by imperfect human thought, to reason and think imperfect thoughts that have been fed to us irrationally; to believe innocently naive explanations for this existence; to fall under such illusions and spells of certainty, while being imperfect and naive yourself, not really knowing or understanding anything; to be here bizarrely finding yourself believing what the truth is; who am I, like any of those around me know, to know what truth really is or to know what lurks hidden in the wider universe beyond  me.

 19).What if the deepest pit of despair is rumored to be a place lacking hopefulness of any kind, but there exists remarkably there mysteriously a curious reason for us to be optimistic.

 What if there hides in the pit a beautiful force of light hidden in the shadows, and the light appears suddenly with unpredictably; out of the seeming indifference; can such an illumination of hope be hidden; is such a beacon of good capable of acting with omnipotent good, even here in this mysteries often dark place, a world in existence that does allow for spectacular sights, wonders, and profound experiences, but where there are also great acts of evil and suffering.

 Can such a good in reality as this really be possible, beyond everything in life that brings about our doubts; can this be a place where good hides deliberately out of sight,  only revealing its light in glimpses, while hiding secretly in control, a source of all possibility; a being so good that no evil power will ever be able to darken its light or stop its welcomed good.

 20) I know I've actually talked to God; I've received and responded to his clear thoughts; he has counselled me on numerous occasions; here is my dearest and perhaps only real friend, and I love him dearly.

 I know God's real and the reason for this world and all of existence here. I've listened to him explain and share with me deep mysteries ideas that I would never have conceived of alone as food for thought; so what am I doing questioning the credibility of certain parts of the Bible; how dare I challenge the entrenched logic that these archaic passages are accuracy in their entirety.

 I can't help but doubt certain passages, and I dare to doubt them despite ancient and irrational ideas that warn of punishment and damnation. I believe contrary to the supposedly grave consequences of disobedience that God is actually reasonable unlike the reasoning in the writing delivered by cruel thinking men of ancient culture; and to take that unreasonableness as infallible and unquestionable is a path of persuasion that offends my commonsense.

 Parts of the Bible's message in these passages supposedly tell us what God thinks but these passages don't seem fair to me, but Jesus who I love dearly is still there, and is for me ever present in my life, and because of my friendship and love for God, I will always consider the Bible to contain great truth and to be a  holy book worthy of great reverence.

 21) I now believe I see the world and its ideas differently. I no longer trust human arguments of knowledge, truth, and religious belief to exist purely by themselves without error or corruptibility. We the self-aware conscience observers of this life are busy attempting to describe what certainty is here as we gaze out into the universe. With each arising generation we discover in our search for answers new ideas sometimes that we pluck out of the invisible realm around us.

 These are ideas that have never been heard of before, until we recognize them,  just waiting there mysteriously for us to find them. This mysteriously place around us holds in its invisible realm complex new ideas, just waiting in nature, and is a hidden place that doesn't exist in the mind or any other concrete place. This is where thought looks to find inspiration and where we discover novel poetry, moral ideas, ethics, political theories, scientific insight, as to how the world really works, and other awaiting new ideas, on this mysteries planet.

  We inhabitants of the earth greedily gather life's produce and imperfectly use its knowledge by shaping new ideas into use in technology, science, artistic and architectural achievements, new political systems, and in the building of religions as well.

 We shape the new ideas we gather into molds and then build moral and political systems that strangely often mysteriously compete. We use the raw material to assert newly created authoritative rules, to say what the truth is, and to demand adherence to an understanding we present of reality. We do not know in the process who actually placed these ideas there for our use. This is a sizable mystery that has never been understood. This mystery far too often gets dismissed as irrelevant.

 22) If love isn’t ultimately real all reassurances we have that there is a future with good in it waiting for us is empty; if nothing foundational in the known world, or unknown sky, cares about us; if we aren't experiencing now kindness, concern for us, or any compassion in our lives, from some hidden power, but are instead lost here somewhere then this place can looks only dark and despairing; we can only feel lonely, angry, bitter, and defeated here because what expectations have we to hope in.

  Here in this world unfortunately many of us do find ourselves in this deep dark place far removed from the light, submerged at an immense distance down where it seems like no one has ever traveled here before.

 Might a metaphorical shovel lie unseen on the topsoil that covers the bottom of this pit we stand in. In this place, existing curiously in reality, in the midst of dark endless outer space; might the shovel imply realistically, to anyone who lives on this strange mysteries planet in the sky, that the journey we're on into tomorrow, that often seems hopeless, still has reasons to hope within in.

 We are here digging through the millenniums with that shovel now trying to uncover what we haven't yet fully seen. We exist here looking hard at the potential around us, looking at possibility, for unknown answers, as clues surround us, and we are in a place where some of us have sought answers and reassurances from God, who curiously, has in return, given billions of people a belief, one more reassuring then hope alone, that an actual awaiting future; brighter then our hopes can conceive, is real.

 23) At an astonishing depth, far removed from any good that’s favorable and pleasant, exists hidden far out in the darkness a dreadful entity responsible for instigating great misery on many. A monster of mind-numbing proportions, this entity sabotages all peace bringing into being an evil that is spread destructively on both mind and spirit. In this miserable entities arsenal exists weapons of spirit used to disrupt the order of peace in the lives of all created beings. its evil reaps this darkness on all who inhabit the infinite spaces, countless worlds, and unseen outer civilizations. This ranked beast moves invisibly through the air around us in its many miserable unnoticeable forms.

 24) If death ultimately means an end to naive and magical thinking then all fairy tails, dreams, myths, religious teachings, and hopeful pursuits of the imagination will ultimately lead us nowhere in the end.

 In search of hope, and instead of this perspective unwilling to surrender and give up on greater meaning, people alternatively continue to pull mysterious thoughts of hope out of the air in this life.  

 Whatever our perspective of God is, what could the purpose be of people visualising a future state of Heaven.  When we think of Heaven don’t, we direct our imagination toward the highest and most pleasing state of existence we can imagine. This points us to a state beyond the earth free of pain, full of endless joy, filled with wondrous paths that meander through miraculous groves and meadows, moving on into unknown spheres of incredible enjoyment and creativity never seen before.

 We leave behind in this imagined future the indifference of natures cruelty and every other kind of evil experienced on this earth. In this way we try and conceive of the greatest possible future state of existence we can imagine. There is no more loneliness, no worry, no pain, no fear, or death. As we think about future reality like this, mysteriously in this life, is it possible that we might have been meant prior to our existence here to conceive of this representational model by design. Is it possible that a mysteries intelligence, that understands the human minds highest potential using thought, and how far our contemplation and inquiries can reach to, has designed our sights to aim at this perfect model of good for a foundational reason of existence.

  It is said by philosophers that Heaven is the very best possible future state of existence we can possibly conceive of. It is curiously understood that when human thought reaches this highest imagined place of good that our imaginations hit a mysteries burier point that stops us from imagining anything better. If this is true, I wonder if what exists beyond this point, beyond our grasp, is what should give us cause us to question the real secrets of the hidden unknown and make us wonder just how far reality and its mysteries workings reach to with God. This existing boundary our imaginations curiously hit is an end point that mysteriously we can't cross. We're prevented from imagining anything more creative, beautiful, or perfect then heaven. Why might that be?

 Not knowing the answer skeptics suggest alternatively that Ideas of Heaven are false and that a thinking power of incomprehensible thought potential like God, who's creative reach stretches far beyond heaven itself, is an impossibility in reality. They say beliefs that look for hope in a place like Heaven stand in the way of what's real. 

 In spite of disbelief in the limits and reach of reality many people continue to beat the door of disbelief down and walk defiantly toward another waiting door of possibility.

 Might there be a good reason we pursue a greater meaning in this life now that skeptics haven't seen or is the hope we have now only pursued by us because we chase an illusion. Ultimately, when we reach beyond this mysterious world, I think we'll discover that the hope we now have is pointing us to a real awaiting future, a place of impressive discovery waiting in the unknown along this mysterious road we're on.

 We think now that we know what a future of good looks like but don't all our imperfect plans of finding good involve the fleeting joys of purchasing pricey new BMW's, Porches, Fararey, having luxuries mansions in different fabulous cities around the world, and being surrounded by women in skimpy bikinis as we lay beside upscale private pools.

  In spite of our dreams this probably isn't a plan of real lasting happiness no matter what our imaginations now tell us. Real good, introduced into our lives, will in all likelihood involve a future that offers so much more with experiences that we now don't even recognize we should desire to have. God's plan, in a profound and mysterious way, is likely billions of times more interesting then our imperfect imaginations can now conceive of. This plan isn't going to be boring either but will involve in its reach a far greater good that for now we can't  understand. In this creative future to come we'll discover great unknowns that we haven't yet conceived of in our imaginations. 

 Doesn't the puzzle of life look a little more promising seen in this way even with all of the lingering doubts that people have. Might the highest reaches of our imagination have been curiously preprepared in advance for us; and might insight into this reality not have been deliberately placed in the invisible realm of ideas for us because a real future for us is not only real but actually stretches well beyond what our limited minds can conceive of.

 As we find ourselves trapped in this often cruel and unforgiving place what direction might the hope of Heaven be pointing us toward. Does this human experience lead only to a meaninglessness that steps nonsensically into the dark forest of oblivion or is life leading toward something more wonderfully prepared for our weary hearts.

 Some people say life has great hope in it, and those who believe in this hope, like me, and think that the hope is God, believe we'll kindly be reunited with our loved ones again, and that we'll see our old friends in a place of possibility infinitely larger then the model of heaven we currently hold through our limited imaginations.

 Does it seem like life, and what lies mysteriously hidden behind it, might be leading us in this hopeful direction for a reason. Might this life be pointing us onward while suggesting that a future state of good, that no imagination has seen, really is our hope with God.

 25) All fantasizing, daydreaming, and hopefulness, that we experience in this life, when free of despair, and free to hope in for a future, we remarkably pursues through an imagination that seems deliberately designed for that use. We don't hope in, look for, and Imagine now, this future state of good merely as an illusion, for no good reason either, while here a part of the mysterious picture of reality. Our real destiny actually involves an unfathomable abundance of awaiting good as we wonder down the extraordinary scenic prepared path of life. When we dare to hope in possibility, and look for a future state of happiness, we're hoping in possibilities that actually do point ultimately to what’s fantastically real.

 26) In this life there is imperfect freedom from the worry and angst of annihilation until it dawns on us inescapably that the end of our earthly life is approaching. Darkness suddenly moves in over the sky and a melancholy quickly sets in. Our mood is darkened even if we believe hope is real. We say individually let me get my dying over with so I can see clearly where the path of hope God has put me on is leading.

 27) Ask the strange poet if he glimpsed somewhere new when he journeyed into the mystery of tomorrow. Inquire from him if once standing in the morrow he managed to look back at his past to remember his experiences of yesterday. Did he remember the hope he once had. Can he tell us now if this hope proved to be pointing somewhere real. What does he make of deaths curtain, and what’s possible, and about the fears we have of being left lying forgotten in earths soil.

 28) Some thinking people see this worlds existence here, like other existences elsewhere, as just another number in a sky that goes on indefinitely. An existence surrounded by impressive wonders, a sphere of immense creativity, part of a puzzle; an open-ended mysterious place caught up in a fight for hope and survival; an existence who's inhabitants dare believe in ideas of immortality, who know fears of gods lurking, of devils and demons, of ruthless men in power, as well as persuasive, often destructive, ideologies; a place where we're caught up in a struggle for survival, where there is hunger and disease; a place surrounded by beautiful vistas; a part of a backdrop of unfathomably far reaching sky, incredible grandeur, and unknown possibility, and rightfully so, when thinking power permits it, a place where freedom is allowed to question and think about the unknown in a completely unobstructed way.

 29) It is substantially interesting, I must say, that a shovel should be sitting in the middle of nowhere after being invented out of invisible ideas pulled from the air. After all what are shovels for but to dig, and what is digging for but to search in the dirt for mysteries objects hidden under the soil.

 Life by its mysteries tapestry has another shovel like creation, this one involving its own complicated biology, in an actual thinking brain, a conscious mind that is actively searching in reality as well. What are we searching for here? Do we think we understand the mystery behind the answers we'll find? Where might this journey we're on really lead to?

 Perhaps many thinking minds on earth are trapped in a sceptical bubble. These people try and look beyond the bubble, to see in reality the possibility of surrounding good, but the bubble they're in prevents them from recognizing any ultimate meaning or purpose to life. They experience instead a sceptical attitude that holds onto a perspective that sees no mystery or fairness in anything. I think there is something real in having your eyes opened spiritually. I have been in the darkest valleys, in places where I couldn't see any overarching good to existence at all, and then God's presence appeared noticeable and clear and I suddenly climbed out of the fog and saw clearly that possibility and good exist everywhere, and becoming aware of this, I realized hope is not an illusion but actually points somewhere very real.

 30) If in the end all is lost then throw me into finality and exclude my consciousness from ever knowing anything again; do with my fate, breathing in nature, what reality has done with every past traveler on life's road; I'll never know the difference.

  To strangely be thrown into this cauldron of life, to have kicked, and screamed, and wondered among this existence, has created material for a fantastical tale prepared for nothing less then the greatest storyteller; to be here in the midst of uncertainty, and hidden possibility, surrounded by puzzles and enigmas, while breathing in the fragrant scent of absolute wonder.

 31) In the light of day there will soon appear an unobstructed view, that will become visible to us all, revealing a well lit path; a mysterious way forward that is clearly marked, and the direction it follows will not mislead us, while the results of continuing in this direction will be known by all; what awaits unmistakably ahead in the distance is happiness, and the mysteries of joys reach, where everyone knows, aware now of this wonderful mystery, that they're welcome here, knowing unquestionably that this path is leading toward good itself.

 32) To be alive here, realistically speaking, however much of our predicament we now don't understand, and regardless if we can see how spectacular life is, is a state of existence that is absolutely mind blowing. Despite what we can adequately comprehend we aren't inanimate crud but instead exist here somewhere as living thinking human beings. Maybe we can't comprehend this now but being here in the unknown is a mystery that may open doors to incomprehensible unknowns and the skies the limit as to how mindboggling those mysteries waiting for us are. With many clues here, when looked at right, supporting human beliefs of higher intelligence in earths design, there are reasons to remain hopeful of a future with meaning and purpose as we ponder what hides behind the mystery of our lives.

 33) Is there a chance that not only atheists but openminded people, and creationist believing people too, don't now understand life's surrounding story to have reality right. Perhaps no one sees anywhere close to accurately into the deep, and in our present situation we lack almost complete understanding to describe realities hidden size, mystery, and inscrutable back story.

  Could this be how reality really is with there remaining infinitely in reach so much more involved in the outreaches of space that we don't even begin now to grasp life's reality; being in this world might mean we can't predict now what we belong to, or what the puzzle means. Considering this possibility, should we embrace the explanations our knowledgeable people lecture us with about life's supposed truth; should we listen like fools, when our scholars assert their outdated wisdom, like when they insist that all hope is dead should we proclaim their words everywhere we go like puppets, but yet no one now even begins to comprehend where in existence the earth even is.

 34) What is the real longevity and reach of happiness, and how long can feeling pleasant continue; is its tenure always short lived, temporal, and fleeting, when it appears, or can feeling at ease, being at peace, existing in a good, or even great mood, have secret hidden duration, not only here in the world, but beyond this world; might happiness not transcend natural buriers mystically that appear in reality like end points; what if the origination of happiness is a mysteriously divine construct, one engineered by design, with low and high levels of intensity, that's discovery at its best traverses beyond the most optimistic, positive, and hopeful persons understanding, crossing into a state of existence where God's more complete realities are found, and if possible how wonderful can the experience of happiness really become.

 35) Regardless of whether we're alive or dead, in our human bodies, it's rumored that happiness, in some mystical form, exists on both platforms we will find ourselves on.

 Like so many other ingredients of life happiness, and its brighter cousin illusive joy, which is rare in many people's lives on earth, illusively interrelate on our journey as we encounter thought, emotion, understanding, and experience. Might happiness and joy have a great inventor, a skillful creator of its imaginative processes, that like others, is meant to be experienced. We might ask the intelligent planner, if real, like many of us believe he is, if as a designer of worlds, and eternities, he might not delight in pulling such realities out of his genius tool chest. As he adds depth, and sophistication, to our existence, in experiences that we remarkably come into familiarity with, we might wonder what this great inventive mind will do next with happiness and joy somewhere remarkable beyond this world.

 36) Our consciences were never designed to take unreasonable abuse for thinking about sex in our active imaginations that entertain these kind of thoughts simply because they come naturally to us all.

 As we live with sexual desire toward men and women in our private lives and entertain the many creative fantasies that instinctively come into our minds, this is something God, if he exists, like I know he does, understands goes on billions of times every second in the lives of the human family. It is therefore, in my strong opinion, arbitrarily unfair to instruct the human being, anywhere he/she lives, to supress natural sexual desire and fantasy that God curiously seems remarkably to have had in mind by design in the processes of our thinking lives. 

 To expect people to supress this God initiated use of our imaginations, and to feel intense guilt for sexual fantasy, I think is an outrageously unfair demand on the human person even if it might be reasonable to develop some restraint as to how frequently these kind of thoughts dominate the direction of our minds. To listen for direction in how to think about sex from the advice of a celibate Priest in a robe, who expects imperfect thinking people unnaturally to be pure and white like snow, is the most preposterous and unreasonable demand that can possibly be put on a biological organism with an instinct to breed and reproduce. When I write scenes of healthy erotica into all of my books I do so with a completely clean conscience holding the belief that erotica is a normal form of human expression.

  37) As people inquire in existence, and ask questions about life's hidden meaning, finding evidence that life is ultimately fair matters to many people. As curious inquirers on this mysterious planet we see evidence of both fairness and unfairness everywhere we look.

 Some of us believe we were always meant to ask searching questions in response to what we experience here by some hidden unseen hand. This hand we believe has introduced into our human experiences our confrontation with these two sizable perspectives on where life is inevitably leading. Humanity has wrestled continuously across the ages with the real truth noticing signs of hope and oblivion waiting dead ahead in front of us everywhere; taking notice of the reminders of life we have aimed our profound pursuits at the mysteries buriers of this formidable unknown.

 What's baffling is that the mystery we're a part of proportionally speaking is clearly so large, the unknown so grand and uncertain; that we have so much curiosity, so engrained in our nature, that clearly desires to search for the truth raises curious questions as to why we experience the kind of puzzles we confront in existence. Where might these pursuits come from, if anywhere, and why does life on this planet provide the means at our disposal to often discover answers to the mysteries we approach; is all this not a clue, one perhaps saying mysteriously to us now that nothing found here was ever meant to put you on a journey that is easy, and very clearly nothing here is simple. We can see that life is intended to confound the wise and knowledgeable, and might this not be deliberately so, as this experience, and whatever mysterious life that hides behind it, goes about humbling the arrogant, befuddling the certain, and puzzling all who wonder about the uncertainty of reality; at the end of the day could all that we're a part of prove to be by design, and might this architect of life prove to us to be actually leading us somewhere truly profound.

 38) Is it possible that everything known and unknown, in all of existence, really had an infinitesimally small beginning, and prior to that beginning, anciently, could there have been only a state of nihilism with no light, no sights, no open spaces, no ability to perceive, express, explain, know, or wonder.

  Out of this tiny insignificant starting point, not an inch in diameter in size, the only space that is said to have existed in all of reality, did the universe spring forth from the big bang, with nothing of intelligence existing unseen behind it. Was there really nothing conscious in existence somewhere unknown  beyond that infinitesimal starting point, no far-reaching intelligence with its own vast uncharted domain, as space began expanding its way mysteriously out of the mud. Then inanimate matter, which has fantastical and mysteries inner workings, that make it many times more interesting then mere lifeless crud, began gradually forming into planets and stars, eventually forming this earth, with its biological organisms, and conscious minds, who have curiously gone on to understand complex ideas, build our own organised world, create life, become ambitious, be curios, cultured, expressive, imaginative, hopeful, intelligent, and remarkably, for some hidden reason, self-aware.

  39) Any scholarly perspective that sees existence as having began at an infinitesimally small point, the complete domain of all reality and possibility, has no idea of the actual size of the sky around us. Have they not heard rumors of the expansive unending domain we're a part of here. its infinite worlds, and numberless entities, the creative wonders that exist uncharted and unseen, the magical and misunderstood new developments hidden everywhere around us, introducing mindboggling new creative processes, and hiding libraries of new knowledge and wisdom, to know something about the size of the mystery of this life; have they no good reasons to doubt God's origins as beginning with a microscopic dot.

 40) If I could climb out of my mind and reach up heavenward toward a mysterious light in the sky, and turn it on; If I could get a glimpse of God's ways in that light more perfectly, to see real goodness more clearly, might such an awareness of the divine, and its endless mystery, allow me to experience a more concrete, and far reaching, understanding of God, his eternal plan, and his immeasurable love for me, from this unearthly perspective.

 Will our experience one day of seeing God clearly in heaven allow our mind to fully heal, and might we be given more then a glimpse of love and its fairness there.

 I believe our minds will be healed with God, and that our hearts will be free to see with fairness what love really is. It's then that we'll actually hear God speak to us whenever it is we need his council. 

 I am sure the hope we have in God in this world involves more then us merely hungering after a sad illusion but that this life, and its future possibility, is actually pointing toward a place of novel wonder, with unseen reaches of beauty, possibility, and creativity, in endless forms of continues discovery, in a home out of God's creative hand of genius, like foreshadowed in this wondrous world we're now a part of.

Our future home will be many times greater then we understand, be eternally fair to us all; and not be the annihilation of our existence that nihilistic voices in our world can be heard repeating since our future truly will be a good one.

 41) It's not just hope I live with, when I examine myself, it's more then hope; people might not think hope in anchored to anything, but I think differently. I think hope is connected to a future good much larger, that they are interconnected, that life presents a world of thinking creatures with hope in mind by design, not accidentally, but because hope points to a waiting destination; yet like I say, I have more then hope; I've spoken with God, and this ultimate realization, that life is most definitely in good hands, is extremely reassuring.

 42) We can doubt, standing on this mysteries planet, wherever it is, that prior planning went into us and our pursuit of knowledge. Many of us will look at ourselves as chance occurrences in nature who just appeared out of matter one day. As we grow gradually more sophisticated, we'll remind ourselves that nothing greater then ourselves lies beyond us. We'll dismantle the notion of God's existence, or of a superior life form, be it an evil genius, an advanced alien race, a power of great good, or an indifferent unfeeling group of strange, sophisticated beings beyond all our estimations of possibility, but we won't be right about anything.

 43) We can paint a picture of how we see reality however we like, in whatever way makes us feel comfortable, and then, in typical human style, feed these arguments we have of what reality is, present our perspective as law to any agreeable mind who will listen, as human clubs of indoctrinated listeners take up this belief contributing to a wider group of opinionated people who reasonably speaking haven't determined any certainty about anything.

 44) In the light is clarity; the light leads to understanding, shows error, gives accurate direction; light even shows where hope points to; light is a councillor, an opener of minds in various states of error, and confusion, who pursue ignorantly evil; light is a source of fairness, revealing ideas that once seemed fair to us but weren't; light is love, not the imperfect love we know, but a love immensely fairer in its scale and reach.

 45) The problem we have here now is that we don't get it; we don't understand how the human person really has great dignity; behind our lives is the reality that we matter; regardless how little we think of another person; no matter what in born hatred consumes us with disregard for them and their worth, the dignity and humanity of another imperfect person really matters; in the full picture of reality we need to understand that every person has value, is loved by God, and matters. 

 46) In life's puzzling mystery why do people appear so ruthless, so vulgar, why are they so violent, indifferent to our interests, and cruel, poised against us, competing to outperform us, ready to trounce on our interests, do away with us if possible; yet a voice of good is saying in spite of it all this that they, and we, matter, that in the grand scheme of reality we're all loved, impossible to believe? It's real.

  During the process of writing this blog I had just laid down in bed for the night when God's clear thoughts appeared once again in my mind. I immediately jumped out of bed, retrieved a pen and a piece of looseleaf, and wrote the thoughts down.

 "You do not know where here is. I know where here is. I have created a map leading to all things and where that maps boundaries end my reaches only begin. My beginning is not your beginning. Your eyes will soon be opened to understand this mystery. What I have gifted you with in giving you this life your heart will soon be forever joyful to understand. There is a much larger love story then the Titanic which I will soon make known to the world."