My story of going crazy and then some very controversial views

 During the summer months, when I was twenty-six, I had stopped taking my medication. I was living in a dilapidated horse stable in Bible Hill, Nova Scotia that I hired a carpenter to convert into a one-bedroom apartment. The old stable building, with its sloping, crooked roof, was off main street, near the Truro raceway, and was located behind a local radiator business named Eastern Radiator. 

In my delusional state, I would sleep into the late afternoon, wake up and go to the gym at the agricultural college, and then spend part of the evening typing feverishly on the computer or delivering long lectures staring at the TV. I believed as I lectured that an international audience was watching me through hidden cameras placed secretly throughout the apartment. 

When I left the stable, often after midnight, I took long drives throughout the county. As I toured the surrounding countryside, I lectured the same national audience, who I thought answered me, in the voices of radio hosts speaking upon completely unrelated subjects.

 

I believed in error, like right now, that people were watching me on hidden cameras, and I believed those cameras were secretively placed in destinations along my travels. The same conspirators, I suspected, also listened to my voice, and broadcast what I had to say, using listening bugs hidden in my car. 

Late into the night I gave what I believed to be clever and articulate speeches to large TV and radio audiences. These talks, I believe in reflection now, often deteriorated into gibberish, and I suspect were never as articulate as I imagined them to be at the time.

 

One night that summer, in a main room of the old stable building, I was busy singing songs to a large TV audience, entertaining them, and dancing excitedly around the room. Some time after midnight, with the July moonlight illuminating above the old stable building, very unusually, I met a ghost who I recognized immediately belonged to the great movie star Fred Astaire. I conversed with the famous deceased entertainer, in the hallucination, lost in the delusion, and then allowed the ghost to inhabit my body. Fred Astaire's ghost then lead my feet in a tap dance routine worthy of praise by any dance critic of high society. Moments later, still lost in delusion, I met the ghost of the great heavyweight boxer Sunny Listen who also inhabited my body long enough to give me professional boxing lessons and offer me encouragement in my life.

 

Late at night, I would often set out on long drives, and I was a good driver believe it or not. One night as I drove through the rural countryside lost in delusion, talking to the car radio, I began instructing the Catholic Church how to raise a billion dollars from its population of one billion church members worldwide. I reasoned the money could be used to provide medication for the sick, and buy food for the hungry. Soon after delivering this message to the world, I began telling the United Nations, in a different hour-long speech, what to do to help the church deliver the food and medicine to the needy. An hour later, driving farther into the rural countryside, on the dark head beam lit road, I began to busily instruct NATO countries how to use their peacekeeping forces to guard the acquired food and medicine from any rebel factions. As I delivered the important speeches throughout the night, conjured up in my imagination by grandiose delusion, I believed unusually that United Nations judges around the world, at that very moment, were seriously considering giving me The World Peace Prize.

 

I toured the quiet rural country roads of Colchester County that summer rambling to myself throughout the nights. Eventually my mental health deteriorated to the point I had to be committed to a mental ward in the Colchester Hospital.

 

On long drives that summer under the stars, before being hospitalized, I passed churches, small businesses, and homes, drove over bridges, moved past swift flowing rivers, crossed gentle creeks, drove across railway tracks, waited for passing trains, and arrived in neighboring villages, before happening upon open fields under the moonlight, all while moth, mosquito, and black flies, flying several feet above the road, collided with the cars headlights, that beamed out into the darkness, or missed the headlights and splattered into the front windshield.

 

As I steered the Pontiac 6000's front tires on the pavement, a breeze came whispering languidly through the partially open side windows. I soon found myself driving down the peaceful streets of Truro where only silence gathered late at night. A few minutes later I was driving through the hills, above Hilden, on the outskirts of town in deep contemplative thought, when I came across the deceased old bootlegger Jacks house, with his missing leg, and his three hungry Doberman pincher guard dogs.

 

As the car rounded a bend ahead the headlights fell on a racoon scavenging in a garbage bin beside the road. In continues deliberation my mind continued to roam until I began to consider how every friend I knew seemed to laugh at me, like I was a silly person, perhaps because they thought I was strange. The way they looked down on me, I thought, felt like being kicked in the face, and then I began imagining my own blood seeping out of my mouth, nose, and ears. Where is this cruel place in the unknown, I began to wonder, as a momentarily sadness came over me driving.

 

An hour later, moving through the countryside, I was in a much better mood and had began lecturing the world again. I soon came upon a steel bridge and began to cross above the water below. As the car tires rolled unto the bridge, I noticed the steal on the edges of the structure were painted green. I then saw that the bridges underneath was covered in thick planks of wood for support. As I drove over the planks, I looked down over the side railings of the bridge to the center of the dark water moving swiftly along below. My eyes remained fixated on the dark waters surface for a few seconds, until I heard a thud, and a clank of steal under the car tires, and then looking ahead, moving unto the asphalt, the cars head beams began shinning again on a double yellow line.

 

Several minutes later, I came upon two large open fields beside the road in Stewiacke East. I recall seeing that night a vision there, as I passed one field, of hundreds of ghosts congregated together upon the sizable open terrain. The areas ancestors, I imagined through the hallucination, were gathered in large number below an ink black impenetrable night sky. The ghosts were dressed in bright white, under the moonlight, below an endless number of alien stars.

 

On a different day, standing in sand from a sandblaster used at Eastern Radiator, I looked up Maine Street, Bible Hill, across the Salmon River bridge, into the hills of Truro, to the towns steeply elevated and sloping streets, and had another vision, this time of a million African ghosts gathered there. I believed, seeing the apparitions of Africans, that they'd come to give me encouragement in my important efforts at solving the dilemma of world hunger.

 

Changing topics:

 

I sometimes suspect that a lot of religious people, who live without mental illness, commonly assume that God, throughout the course of human history, has spoken, and revealed his insights, only through sane people's lives in this world. If this is how they see us, and our experiences living with mental illness, then I believe they lack imagination into what God's design, planning, and purpose is for all human beings.

 

It would make sense then, if attitudes like these are real, that when I claim to be listening to God's clear voice in my life speaking directly to me, that people respond to this belief only with quiet contempt. Unlike the experiences sane people had throughout history of experiencing God, which were considered legitimate, any religious experiences from people living with schizophrenia are perhaps suspected instead to be nothing more then misguided religious delusions.

 

This might explain why no one with knowledge of the publishing world has offered me any encouragement, advice, or support in getting my writing reviewed or published. I believe the literary community should instead reasonably agree that a unique perspective, coming from someone with schizophrenia, should matter, especially if the writing is interesting, delivers an important message, and is written in an uncommonly clear voice. In each book I've written, I've introduced into the narrative characters who live with schizophrenia. These books also reveal unusual insight, from God, that is intended by him to give people hope.

 

Changing topics:

 

When I do a search for "Schizophrenia", "Hearing voices", “Delusions", or "Believing that God is speaking to you", the search results I get reinforce my suspicions that sane society see the possibility of God acting in the lives of the mentally ill in unique ways as very unlikely. This widespread dismissive attitude in society removes any meaning that might be found in the delusional world we experience. Yet this delusional world is one that gives me, and many other people, a feeling of having great dignity and importance in this life.

 

As strange or laughable as it might seem to people, I believe God intends people who have the mental illness schizophrenia to venture into and explore these unusual worlds of the mind. Should sane people look at the world God has made for our minds only with contempt, or at best only with pity. Is our world somehow more strange and awful then their world is. Their world after all has sane people living in it like Stalin and Hitler. No one living with a mental illness has created and unleashed diabolical evil on a scale like that.

 

Why can't the adversity mentally ill people face, that's experienced in a unique world of delusion, be seen as a unique and valuable struggle that is normal to the human condition. Why should our experiences appear subhuman and lack a commonsensical interpretation. It should be obvious that no ones life in this world is perfect, and few lives ideal, and that all people's judgment about what reality is experiences error whether people are smart enough to understand that about themselves or not.

 

Changing topics:

 

 After listening to God speak clearly to my thoughts, I now believe with certainty that his love and plan of goodness reaches comprehensively to all of mankind. I know God loves multitudes of people universally, even when people hold unique beliefs, whether people are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, gay, lesbian, agnostic, atheist, or have chosen another of this worlds beliefs.

 

My heart tells me, listening to God speak to me, that when the ideologically controlled, and impoverished people of North Korea die, having no prior knowledge of God, and holding no rehearsed hope of eternity, that God, who's nature is love, and who is merciful in his reach beyond what the cruel and misguided teachings out of human history suggest, will make a way for these poor North Korean people to have a future full of prosperous possibility. I know God will heal their broken hearts, give them new life, and welcomingly introduce them into his glorious kingdom. "But know this; beware to you who are unkind to God's children. Beware to you who hunt down my children upon the earth and do evil to mankind; you will meet me on the day of judgment." 

 

In my liberal Christian beliefs, I believe God values all people's lives on this earth more then we understand. As I listen to him speak in my life, I now dare to question certain Bible passages. I no longer believe that all these ancient words are free from error and I think the writing at its worst cruelly fills our minds with unreasonable and fearful belief. I object strongly to the Bible's teaching that says only a minority of all people alive and dead will find a narrow road to life, and that the rest of humanity will follow a broad road to destruction. This angry thought is indifferent to the fate of multitudes of imperfect people and was produced in an ancient culture where cruel thought was the norm. I also interpret there to be great error in the Bible passages that say people who drink socially, or people who are homosexual, will find themselves separated eternally from God's love like the verses found in 1 Corinthians 6.  

 

1 Corinthians 6 "Do not be deceived neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."  

 

These ancient words were produced from imperfect moralizing about right and wrong, and clearly reveal the imperfect logic of a cruel and ancient culture. After this reasoning was agreed upon, and written into the Bible, by the thinkers out of this ancient culture, warnings of eternal punishment were then placed in verses threatening consequences for disobedience. To stop people from daring to object to the writing, or to change any part of it, warnings of hell were strategically introduced. 

Some people might argue so what if the ancient thinkers deliberately mislead Bible readers about the words authority, weren't they just attempting to set their society on a healthy course moving forward into the future. 

The problem is forcing people through coercion to avoid a certain behavior, by claiming God is against it, when in actuality God had nothing to do with it, is immoral, cruel, and deceptive. Some Bible passages called also for a cruel punishment of death for those who disobeyed, which was terribly unjust, but these ancient Bible passages have also had a lasting effect on people's lives right up until the present day. What's behind this behavior is imperfect ancient moralizing but not everything outlawed in the Bible fairly speaking is wrong. Below is a list of behavior considered terribly wrong in the Bible and after this is an interesting second list of strange instructions from the Bible that were meant to be followed. (Right up until this day)

 

Addiction, Adultery, Anxiety, Apathy, Argumentative, Bigotry, Backbiters, Bitterness, Blasphemy, Boasters, Calling people a fool, Cheating, Chronic lateness, Course joking, Covenant breakers, Covetousness, Criticism, Debate, Deceit, Depression, Despiteful, Defilers, Disobedience to parents, Dissention, Divorce, Drunkenness, Emulations, ambition or endeavor to equal or excel others, Envy, Evil Thoughts, Foolish talk, Fornication, Greed, Gluttony, Haters of God, Heresies, Homosexuality, Hypocrisy, Idolatry, Immorality, Implacable (cannot be calmed), Inventers of evil things, Jealousy, Lasciviousness (unbridled lust, shamelessness), Lawless, Lust, Lying -- Bear False witness.

 

Only kill burglars at night. Don't boil a baby goat in its mother's milk. Don't eat fat. Don't sit where someone on their period sat. If you drop a grape, don't pick it up. Don't mix fabrics. Don't trim your temples or beard. Disabled people can't approach the altar of God. Poison yourself to disprove adultery. Kill entire cities if they worship other gods. Don't defend your husband by grabbing his enemy's junk. Women should cover their heads to keep angels from getting turned on. Deformed people cannot approach God. Non-Virgins are to be stoned. A woman's punishment for defending her husband = Cut off her hand. Giving birth to a daughter makes you unclean for 66 days. If you disobey God, you will eat your babies. No bastards may enter the church. Women will never teach or have authority over man.

 

Timothy 2:11 "I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent."

 

These ancient views are obviously not fair to women, people who are gay, or people who enjoy having a social drink, but they are also not fair to God because they claim to speak for him, and they don't.

Changing topics:

 

I wrote a gay erotic scene in one of my books: "Lust Lust Lust Montreal to Paris," and I wrote several lesbian erotic scenes in the three books: "Demons in the Pleasant Valley Hills," "A Paranoid Schizophrenics Message of Hope for the World," and "Lust Lust Lust Montreal to Paris." In writing these scenes I wasn't implying that I'm gay, I'm not, not that it should really matter, but I just wanted to clarify that. 

 

Obviously I write about sex in my books while claiming to maintain a friendship with God. If you're wondering if I've recognized that fact I have. I just don't believe the writing or reading of erotic literature is wrong or that anyone's imagination is deviating off course for doing so. What's happened to our modern society, I think, thanks to reasoning from ancient culture, is the shaming of sexual behavior has been introduced, creating a lingering guilt, that was then passed along to us across time in an extremely unhealthy way.

 This shame, introduced by rigid dogmatic men of ancient times, was produced by them through moralizing, before they then engraved their beliefs in stone by deceptively claiming this is God's will. The writings in the Bible shame sex in many ways, just investigate the writings, when in fact these are normal biological behaviors. 

The ultimate reality is God reads all of our minds every second we're alive in this world. There is no part of us God hasn't designed or lawful behavior that is a surprise to him. How we act in this world is through his intricate design.

The study of philosophy, and listening for God's clear voice, has significantly reshaped my perspective. Communicating with God has reassured me that I'm free, absent fear, or threat of condemnation, to follow my heart, and my sense of what I see as fair, while studying philosophy has encouraged me to be open-minded in all my beliefs, which has broadened my understanding of the world and myself. I now question all assumptions about everything, including the dogma found in religious tradition, as I consider diverse viewpoints, and develop a more nuanced and informed understanding of reality and our human experience.

Inspiration from God

 In this blog, and in my novels, I argue that all people in this world have a majestic future. I claim through the writing to approach a mysteries good, and its hidden possibilities, after experiencing God's clear thoughts in my life, writing them down, and using them in the writing process. I also philosophize frequently in a chat room, while looking for God's inspiration as I write, and have produced unusual thoughts chatting there that I recognize clearly do not originate from my own reasoning, intelligence, or level of comprehension. Below I've numbered this writing that I claim unusually to be inspiration from God.

1) This life on a strange anomalous world, located in the middle of the sky, in a place we don't understand the implications for, is an experience that is perhaps meant by careful and orchestrated planning to test us. I don't think It's by randomness or accident that we're being tested here but because this journey matters. Life keeps leading us to different places of discovery across time that are gradually opening our eyes to a more complete understanding of what reality is about. We're beginning to understand life's underlying secrets to finally realize where life is mysteriously pointing us. This journey one day I think will lead to our eyes being opened to the hidden mystery behind all reality. Every part of reality we've experienced so far has been deliberately placed in our path and is mysteriously a perfect fit for what our consciousness is capable of investigating. This is not a coincidence that life facilitates our searching mind with great answers and experiences but I believe it's because a source of advanced thought is watching us hidden behind the scenes.  Throughout the generations different thinkers have found unusual ideas mysteriously waiting here hidden in nature. These new ideas wait to be formed into our understanding, but to assume these new thoughts originate with us, at the moment in time we receive them, is a mistake. 

These combinations of new thoughts are complex and argue a better path forward for all human beings. The new thought revolutionizes parts of our experiences like politics, transforms laws, finds cures for illness, discovers advancements in technology, and changes in many other ways how the world is organized. These ideas are discovered by us strangely just waiting invisibly in the air, but these ideas aren't new ideas, and we're naive if we think they are.

 

The actual origins of a new idea developed in this world for the first time is an intelligent idea that actually proceeds our moment in time. These ideas have long existed elsewhere in a hidden place we now know nothing about. Evidence of this kind of knowledge, that exists prior to us recognizing it, is here all around us. We have camouflaged over evidence in our world of life being directly related to a greater intelligence but the proof of this reality is everywhere.   

 

When I studied philosophy, I learned about Plato's theory of forms which teaches that everything: a frog, beauty, a sail, has an original blueprint. One perfect frog gives all other frogs their idea of frogginess. There may be a perfect beauty, and perhaps a perfect form of morality, unlike what our imperfect efforts at constructing morality imperfectly creates, and there may be, like I know to be true, a hidden genius responsible for life's design. 

 

Nothing in this world is by accident but everything here has a back story and prior planning. The reasons why we should come to exist here and know this kind of thought raises mysteries questions. Our journey seems like it could be a lesson, experienced through a great challenge, that then gives value to our experiences and what we come to know through adversity. A searching person isn't just handed over quickly important ideas like democracy, the rule of law, justice, natural rights, sovereignty, citizenship, power, the state, revolution, liberty, reason, materialism, toleration, and these unique ideas aren't new either. There is a reason behind us encountering these ideas here in this unknown place. Life is far too interesting to be nonsensical and absurd but instead involves proof of hidden elaborate design.

 

2) I was contemplating my own mortality as I listened to the summer breeze whisper its way through an entanglement of trees nearby. I considered in seconds of silence how there might be an inscrutable realm, a superior hidden place, where what's found there, beyond this life as we think we know it, is a great intelligence responsible for life's many wonders and mysteries like our human consciousness. As I considered life's mystery, the wind sent tree branches swaying and caused the leaves to quiver.  I then watched the suns effects on the green grass, before noticing it shinning on the wildflowers, and then on the long grass growing in the open fields out back. The sunlight also illuminated trees beyond the field growing in clumps and helped turn the sky a bright blue.

 

Then I watched the effects of the sun on the unshaded thorn bushes, located just beyond the apple trees, in the orchard next to the old stone fire pit. I was awed how the light beamed out of the blue barren sky, mythically rumored to belong to great beings, with hidden power. I wondered about the possibility of a great genius existing and considered the answers he or she could offer beyond what we now understand as I watched the suns continues effect on the ancient landscape around me.

At the end of the driveway I knew was a road, and further up the road, around a bend hidden from view, was a pasture, with grazing hoses, next to an old graveyard.

 The clay colored road wondered silently past trees, chattering squirrels, and singing birds. It was a quiet road until a moving car came thundering along and created a large dust cloud rising miles in the air behind it.

 

Thickets of weeds, and growing trees, encroached on both sides of the gravel, as the road lead over a bridge, located above a trout, chub, and frog filled creek, before coming upon the peaceful cemetery. On the edges of the graveyard fence posts and barbwire separated the grazing horses in the field from the cemeteries short green grass, its piles of burial dirt, and the numerous headstones.

 

I thought about those headstones now standing beside my ancestors two-hundred-year-old vacant Victorian house. I listened carefully there and could hear the wood in the house shift and creek with every gust of wind that hit the structure. I then looked to the place where a large oak tree was missing in the front yard. The former stump was all that remained; the place held memories of where a swing and a rope once hung; a place where I once played as a child, and then I began thinking about many of my relatives, who I knew were all gone, who's remains lay in the cemetery, just beyond the creek, around the bend in the road.

 

3) We uncommonly exist here on this world on a piece of terrain in the midst of the mysterious unknown. Adding more to the mystery, the territory we inhabit is located in the midst of an unfathomably large abyss which is potentially unending in its reach. Out in these unknown spaces might exist mysteries that our imaginations aren't creative enough to predict to understand the realm of outlying possibility. Strangely shaped deformed lifeforms, beautiful seductive female beings, like earths mythological forest huldra, prowling demons, grasping sadistically unto passing interstellar meteors, beguilingly intelligent, but insanely devious, insidiously ugly creatures, who's personal vainly believes strangely that their beautiful, morally fanatical beings, who's fanaticism is far worse then any hypocritical person we've ever encountered, could be examples of alien beings that roam the cosmos.

 

Some people among us, who are considered wise, can be easily persuaded by cultural persuasion. I've observed a pressure in culture not only to doubt the Bible's far-fetched stories, but to embrace with certainty that there is no God at all, and this influence is widespread and persuasive. Some people who doubt the dogma of organized religion however are reminded that this world, and why it exists here, is yet to be understood properly by any of us to know what life's terms really consists of. They may therefore keep an open mind when searching for answers as to life's meaning. 

 

4) What if we could achieve better results in our understanding of what good is really about. If we could potentially see everything good is, its possibilities, its reach, all its mysterious revelations everywhere in the unknown of existence, what would we then discover. We'd then perhaps know what good's most deep-rooted secrets are, and see where good and its reality traverse to, in a way very different from how good is mysteriously witnessed by us now. We'd see its mystery transparently, and uncover the hidden view, on this lonely planet, as we exist here somewhere far out in some distant corner of interstellar space, near or far away from who knows what mysteries kind of alien life, or great holy (in a good way) civilization. Perhaps this view of goods reach would give an eye-opening understanding of the real truth and reveal more of God's mysteries planning.

 

We prematurely think we understand what good looks like, but do we know anything about the highest reaches of good, to imagine or predict its highest achievements. Where could the good of reality traverse into and what unknowns would that open up. The superior mind of God is rumored to be mindbogglingly creative, far beyond the limits of our creative imagination, and his comprehension, planning, building potential, knowledge, wisdom, and wonder is said to transcend all our naive basic understandings as to the reaches of life in the unknown. Our brains, while here in this world, perhaps don't have enough thought potential to entertain many higher spiritual truths, to know of the infinite worlds and plans God has in store for his creation. That doesn’t mean that what exists out there isn't good, on an extraordinary scale, or that good is just a word.

 

The answers to life's mystery we're looking for aren't pursued by us now by accident. The pursuit of truth is no illusion that we investigate meaninglessly. When we aim our sights at finding meaning to this life, or look to discover a fairness behind the world, or hope to be reunited with our loved one's again after death, or when we're lead to discover God as a friend, we're not being pointed in these worthwhile pursuits by illusion. The mysteries presently unknown by us, that are now glimpsed, and felt in our hearts, are persuading us forward, and setting our course on a wondrous path. This road were on is actually leading us to a breathtaking destination ahead. A great spirit of God is nearby us now asking us to trust him. He is reassuring us that life will work out for good and reminding us love is on our side. He's telling us that where truth ultimately leads is not a cruel or unfair place.

 

5) Hickory Dickery Dock, the man lost his journey against the clock; the clock struck twelve, the man was gone, including everything about him that shone.  And such was life, that rumored sphere, that dreadful and beautiful home mankind lives on in the stars; we've all listened, and wondered about you a lot, hearing tales about that mysterious place; a world where nothing good is guaranteed to lie ahead, perhaps only dust and gloom.

 

As mankind’s optimism stunts, and then fails, while experiencing mortalities lumps; to look from earth, out into uncertain depths, to barter with, and cling to a dusty book, to repeat lines of ancient antidote, to sing religious songs, to think your way to peace, to bend your mind to believe a certain fate, to hold fast to hope, and courageously step forward in hast, often in unfavorable times.

 

 To live your life, and smile back at fate, as around and around you go, like a merry-go-round, somewhere no one can tell, all as ultimate meaning hides, and truth remains concealed beyond the ride.  Could there be a great observer watching, rumored to hide beyond, somewhere out in life's great mystery, somewhere in the infinite, who knows more of life, hope, and love. 

  Answers remain a puzzle, for some its an empty hope; standing back in awe, and looking at natures indifferent scope, as a wonderer passing through time, while others search for good in song, in verse, in struggle, and in curse, what is this, and what is that, they ask in toil, stopping to think, to eat, and then to drink, and watch the sunset sink, over the horizon, with their loved ones nearby, asking questions of truth, of God, and how to survive, all in uncertain times, as life reveals its stages, and gives testament to a meaning, of a hidden journey , one harsh, but beautiful, diabolically cruel, but where love is glimpsed, a place filled with rumors of possibility. With great quandaries raised, asking what can exist, of life's potential, and with so many uncertainties introduced, few would trade earth places; while their inhabitants courage is well known.

 

6) "It won't be easy for them" An indifferent voice out of somewhere hidden declared. The voice hesitated and then continued to speak.  "They will face uncertainties terms. The journey will give them no guarantees of a future. The lot of them will be thrown into the path of natures storms, places where pathogens hide; they'll struggle under oppressive political regimes, and know of hungers curse."

 "Let them stand courageously before life's uncertainty." A second hallowed voice now declared. "We'll place ideas in their reach, allow them to debate right from wrong, and a struggle in their nature will ensue. Let good be their pursuit, or let them be anchored to a despots evil ship. We'll allow them to build and learn; we'll give them civilization for their efforts, and permit them the right to create their own religions, to question their own fate, to believe in gods, and cross through the millennium’s, never free from unpredictability’s uncertainties." The voice now stopped talking and went silent.

"We'll not lift the curtain, and let them drink, dance, and have life easy." The first indifferent voice now responded. "We'll instead let them live as one who grows to know, and if they fail, let them fail; they'll build their own truth claims, and at the end of the day say: 'This is who God is, this is his way.' but they'll always lift up the knife again and slay, revealing again their butchery, as they walk through the stars." The first voice concluded.

"They must not look far up with their eyes." The second voice said now. "Let them unleash poetry, and aim it really high. Allow them to lift up their ego and pride, and gaze wide, searching the shores of unending tide, of oceans, and rivers that glide, as they look out into the great beyond, let their heart stir, let it sing, and deliver verse, and then sigh; while we'll say look on sojourner, as they circle a star, you never were actually alone." 

 

7) Does the misery and uncertainty we experience on this earth lead eventually and unfairly down into a cold, lifeless, pit of oblivion, where we're never heard from again. Do all our choices, and uncertainties, we know in this world, end ultimately in our annihilation, the devastating destruction of the self, the I am, and the belief I matter.

 

What is hope and the belief we have that we can live on with God and not be suffocated by deaths gruesome hold. Must this hope we have of a force of good fail us. Can we not instead squirm out of deaths gruesome headlock, crawl bleeding through life's remains, scale deep spaces infinite walls, and leap free from the pit somewhere good hidden in the unknown.

 

Strangely we look now for a lantern to shine ahead of us through life's darkness hoping to see a hope that is real hidden ahead beyond the shadows. We then consider how odd it is, and mysterious, that this is what we're inspired to pursue in this life, to try and alter natures unforgiving terms, to find in our desperation a passage out, to know of more; we hope not to meet with another foe like death, but a friend, hidden in the unknown, a great ally who is righteous, wise, a poet, writer, essayist, who writes ingeniously, and talks convincingly about what’s hidden, and unseen, in inscrutably wise and hopeful ways, before we realize suddenly that perhaps his spirit is here, talking not of future death, but of a life ahead that is good; wondering upon such possibility where the mind can roam, and now he considers earths former generations, who have vanished from sight, last seen coughing breathlessly, lying lifelessly on earths battlefields, in sick beds, being placed in coffins, slowly lowered into the earth, while being covered in soil, resting before headstones with inscriptions, forgotten there eventually in time, but not by God, and soon not by us either.

 

8) Is a state of ultimate fairness real or is our anticipation of a future involving fairness inevitably nonsensical. Can a fair order of life potentially exist, a reference point perhaps that exists behind what we insightfully occasionally glimpse in our best moments. Might these glimpses point us to a hidden and far superior state of existence, or perhaps thinking skeptically all our hopes for waiting fairness are only an illusion that optimistically says to us wrongly that fairness and its ways matter in the grand scheme of life.

 

Many people believe that a state of fairness really does exist and is pointing us somewhere real. Why in this life do we have insightful moments where we experience evidence of hidden fairness. Could this be the way love works on earth allowing higher truth to be sometimes glimpsed by us. We encounter real darkness here as well, and our hope can fade away, much like the dissipating of dust in the air, but might love ultimately be connected to our lives, perhaps transcending all our understanding. Might loves ways come out of the highest state, the place our best ideas point to, which now has our emotions, convictions, aspirations, sense of fairness, and hearts longing, pointed that way, throughout our life's journey, for a reason.

 

We might lack the inspiration to see clearly into heavens interior courtyard. This view is hidden and obscured by mortal buriers, and perhaps for a purpose, as we live our imperfect lives, make choices, and direct the course of our mind and our will. If we could see all the truths hidden out of sight beyond us we'd know then God is completely in control. We'd then know his ways extend limitlessly and that our hope in him is not a dead thing like a rotting corpse. Never seen before, or heard of places, filled with great and joyous unknowns, secretly wait. The places ahead prepared for us are different experiences then life's test and know nothing there that is cruel, unjust, unfair, painful, unpleasant, unkind, or evil in any way; this is the realization, involving a future state of unimaginable joy, that we'll soon discover.

 

9) What if our current whereabouts are deliberately concealed from us, and we're lost now in an unknown place, like a black hole, without knowledge of where we came from, our memories now erased, after somehow being swallowed into this vacuous pit; we might not know that we come from somewhere very different from the life we know here now, like looking away from a brilliant blue sky, and staring up at a starless overcast night, existing now away from the people who knew us, and cared about us, who are now looking for us, and have not given up trying to find us, while where they are it is good, and what they know far better, and while they look for us we are here in this black hole, however we happened to be trapped here.

 

The world we know here now is where we get our imperfect aspirations from, but they perhaps are stunted aspirations, that can't conceive of greater things, can't conceive of life in its most brilliant forms, and varieties, our minds constrained now by what we know, our hope in possibilities reach being meager, our dreams only imagining so far; we perhaps can only conceive of so much that is good, because we have learned to think practically, only using our imagination so much, witnessing in our skepticism reasons not to hope; and trapped now we forget where love was fair, where war was unthinkable, here in a place of conflict, irrationality, dislike, sadness, grief, terror, violence, hatred, while the real reaches of possibility extend into the unknown in endless varieties, to brilliantly scenic places, of great fascination, where creativities potential, and your life span, is never tormented or effected by depression, sickness, or death. This pit, this hole in the abyss, might have swallowed us here, giving us the perception from birth that we should first crawl, and then walk obliviously around on these shores.

 

A voice suddenly interrupts him. 

 

"What do you want to be true?"

 

He thought about the question reflectively for a minute and then answered the mysterious voice. 

 

"I would like for life to be eternal, for all of its discoveries to lead to good, for evil and death not to win, and to discover I'm loved forever. I would like eternity to be filled with joy, that there exist no limits to what can be seen and discovered there, that all fear be made to disappear, and that I'm guided and protected there by a perfect power who watches over every thing in existence carefully."

 

A few seconds of silence passed and then the mysteries voice answered him.

 

"You want the love you look for to be real, and this love is real. You want love to exist as more then a fleeting experience that ultimately disappears; you want love to survive, to watch over human beings with a plan, for love to have power over death, over aging, over injustice, and for love to heal your broken heart. You want love to sing songs that give you reassurance forever, and love actually does all these things and more. Come in out of the cold. It's late and it's dinner time. Come and sit at my table."

 

10) Maybe it should be obvious, or more obvious then it is now, that we're surrounded in this life by more then meets the eye. There is a lot more to this puzzle, and when I say "a lot more" I mean to imply a great deal of experiences, ideas, and knowledge hidden elsewhere that we haven't come close to imagining.

 

Take a deep breath in, and look around you, and then give an appropriate sigh, for finding yourself a part of this enigma in the midst of some mysterious place of limitless possibility.

 

You aren't looking at life in any accurate way right now either, but you can bet that life is more fantastical then you realize; our choices, our perspective here is on some kind of mysterious course, a journey of some kind, resulting in layers of nuanced realizations, and the place ideas are produced inside our minds, is a place of isolation from others, a quiet space that only we have access to, and these thoughts effect how we use our will, and produce errors in our judgment that can misguide us.

 

 Our lives are capable in this world of pursuing a peaceful and wise path forward, but many people's deliberative judgment is now being hijacked by subtle nefarious influences. Introduced into our mind in this world, from outside, are enticing destructive persuasions, arriving in our mind like messages too quick to notice, larger then one word, several sentences long, and in a time far to short to read them, but the meaning of what's being sold as a suggestion is understood instantly in our unconscious mind, although consciously we don't realize that our emotions and judgment is being hijacked, and that the persuasion is destructive for us, and others, leading us into conflict with them, or for others leading them even to do evil, like violence, depending on the person. These prompts success, wherever they come from, depend on how lost and defenseless a person is in their beliefs, that then will determine the ruin that follows.

 

 This life is no delicate easily stepped platform in the sky of merriment, gentleness, and ease. There are no guarantees of finding fairness here, on the contrary, life, and whatever is unseen around us, is either trying to help us, or trying to throw our lives into chaos, creating grief, violence, even leading people in some parts of the world to commit great atrocities. These decisions force masses of humanity into hunger, only to die of starvation, or inspire sadistic brutalities, like the use of torture; in the past minds were even deceived into justifying slavery, but in many cases, these influences cause fear and panic.

 

We are inspired to fight here for our survival, find hope, and look for meaning and answers. The puzzle doesn't give us a great translucent road sign with perfect directions to follow. Every decision we make can be important. We can be easily misled, fall into error, face great injustice, get murdered, get raped, be forgotten, or be thrown into prison, because this world we're in, for many people, involves a lifetime of being lost in a wilderness, here in this uncertain place where many people get the honor of dying from pestilence, or seeing their kin taken by random violence, or hearing of them killed in a violent collision of metal and glass.

 

We search for meaning, and hope beyond death, while reading old dusty literature out of a cruel former time. We get to sing songs and read magical stories. We get to listen to men tell us how the tales of ancient myth are real and how the events actually occurred; they repeat them to us over and over again many times; they are busy creating continues illusions of certainty for their gullible audience.

 

Our minds frequently get bent into obedience, but a light is shinning here in the darkness. I've seen that light and heard that voice. Jesus really is here, I've talked to him many times, but this is no easy hike. This isn't a rose and tulip lined scenic trail. This is perhaps the greatest challenge of them all to be alive here in this world.