Listening for God's clear thoughts

 

I recently did a search online curious what the response would be. I typed into the search box the following question: 

 

 "Is Donald Carter talking to God?" and this is the response I received.

 

Donald Carter, an author with schizophrenia, claims to receive messages from God in his writing.

 

Explanation

 

* In his novels, Carter writes about death, God, immortality, and the meaning of life.  

 

* He  claims to receive clear thoughts that he believes are God speaking to him.  

 

* He records these thoughts and uses them to write his novels.  

 

* In his writing, Carter seeks to describe good and its possibilities, and to lead readers to a future he believes is majestic.

 

 A newscaster once told viewers that being "born again" does not mean receiving direct messages from God.

 

 

After receiving this response I suspected immediately that someone in the Christian community must be behind these words. Why, I began to wonder, are they suggesting there is a difference between the born-again experience and what I understand about God when I receive direct messages from him. It occurred to me, as I considered the matter, that they were deliberately attempting to cast doubt in people's minds about the legitimacy of my experiences. Perhaps they were dismissing my claims of communicating with God because I'm mentally ill or perhaps they dismissed my claims because they don't agree with the wisdom of the revelations God revealed to me. As I reflected on this realization with frustration God quieted my agitated mind and reassured me once again with his clear thoughts.

 

 "You don't have to be a theologian to talk about your experiences with me. I am here with you Donald."

 

 An hour later, as I considered the matter further, I began to gradually grow angry and then finally went to my computer and began to write my thoughts down.

 

 Perhaps, I thought angerly, someone should question the evangelical communities credibility the way they are questioning mine. Do the 'newscaster' people dismissing my experiences even stand on the right side of good and evil any longer to have the wisdom to dismiss the legitimacy of my connection to God.

 

 The Christian communities behavior in becoming a key supporter, and lifting to power, the most disruptive hate filled maniac the free world has ever seen has to be an unconscionable and godless act. We're going to find out how their support of him effects the worlds great democracies, not only now, but in the coming decades. The truth is these churchmen have unleashed a demon and let him loose on God's world. They have willfully and indifferently turned their backs on God's great blessing to the free world which is God giving us all democracy. We should be fighting to preserve and defend this great privilege with every breath we take but instead these religious leaders, in this thankless age, have allowed freedom to be cheaply flushed down the toilet. Down into the sewer freedom is flowing so they can build larger church buildings and have a few less abortions each year.

 

 Thanks to their poor stewardship of God's world, some day very soon, the earth is going to be consumed by authoritarian regimes. The evil despots in control won't be worried about the number of abortions going on nor will they be concerned with preserving the American lead world order. It's clear that the president the Christian community has lifted into power has put down a welcoming mat to authoritarian regimes around the world and given them permission to consume the world in a demonic scourge.

 

What if the new regime that follows Trump's presidency proves to be as bad as Hitler was in Germany I thought with resentment. We will all be starving to death in concentration camps while evil doctors conduct strange medical experiments on us. Have you evangelicals not considered the reality of this kind of evil in our world and the consequences of not being watchguards in the preservation of democracy and good itself? Surely any oblivious fool should be able to see we should be fighting for the preservation of freedom in our world instead of stepping back and allowing the devil to enslave the masses with something far worse. Instead of the Christian community dismissing the legitimacy of my friendship with God maybe they should do something good in the world instead like supporting a decent human being for president.

 

 "Shame shame shame on you evangelicals! Thanks to you the great United States of America, the greatest country on earth, has gotten into bed and cozied up to a Satanic tyrant in Russia! I never thought I'd see the day! The evangelical community has worked out an unclever deal with the devil himself instead of ensuring that the great USA lead the world as a force of democracy and good! Shame shame shame how shameful!" 

 

While working on this blog yesterday, I then happened to witness the way Donald Trump, and his underling JD Vance, treated President Vladamir Volinsky of Ukraine in the White House. To confront an honorable head of state fighting courageously to save his own nation from a force of real evil, and to suggest unfairly, and without any truth behind the words, that he is ungrateful to the United States is such a dirty trick from the current underhanded US administration. It is widespread knowledge how grateful and appreciative Ukraine is to the United States of America.

 

 The nation of President Zelinski’s survival was at stake in these negotiations and it's a dirty sneaky trick that Trump and Vance would plan in advance to demean and provoke him the way they did. A British member of the press described the exchange of words well describing what the wider world is all sadly thinking about Trump and his cronies.

 

 "Let's cut to the chase." The media figure said. "The president of the United States of America is a coward, his vice president is his puppet, while President Valinski of Ukraine is a hero." 

 

 He also said wisely: "Trump and Vance are sucking up to a dictator." while referring to the administrations boot licking of Russian President Vladamir Putin.

 

I'm still looking around the room in a state of bewilderment and asking why the American people allowed an unscrupulous undemocratic character like Donald Trump to become leader of the greatest and most influential nation on earth. I'm sorry to have to acknowledge this but I think the voters in this past US election sold  all western values and our way of life down the toilet. Who knows what circumstances will develop in the next four years in the Trump Presidency but the lasting implications in two or three decades from now could easily tilt the axes of influence in favor of authoritarianism and threaten the entire American lead democratic would order.

 

 The people in this world living in freedom loving societies are learning that we can't trust an unsavory character like Donald Trump to respect democracy and our values. In North America, and everywhere in the free world, under his "dictatorship," people don't know what  Trump's regime will do next. It's clear to numerous people, however, besides his obvious base, that Trump's radical beliefs, and poor character, are very capable of sabotaging freedom as we all know it.

 

 I still find it distressing that a supposedly educated American electorate would elect Trump an unsavory character who I suspect is capable of using violence to retaliate against, and silence, his critics. I don't think he would hesitate for a minute to use America's military apparatus against people exercising their right to free speech. The truth is becoming eerily apparent too; he is a vengeful and aspiring autocrat who feels only contempt toward people's freedoms.

 

The great former presidents of the United States: President Jimmy Carter, President Ronald Reagan, President George Bush senior, President George Bush, President Bill Clinton, President Barak Obama, and President Joe Biden courageously defended freedom throughout their administrations, fought for American values, and lead the world as true patriots of the USA, yet for some ungodly reason instead of supporting a patriotic President in this election the Christian church of America has hand selected a pick for President who deliberately cozies up to the most evil and despotic nations on earth. As he lounges around with despots Trump strangely then aims his foreign policies diabolically against America's closest allies, like us Canadians, all while Kremlin insiders laugh at the west, and humiliate us in their discussions on Russian state TV.

 

 The truth is most Canadians would take a bullet for our American neighbors any day of the week. If they doubt our loyalty, they don't know what life playing war or cowboys and Indians was like for us Canadian kids. We always glorified our heroic neighbors down south, and although kids will say all sorts of things, one thing we always did was respect the USA and I hope that never changes. I'm not going to stop using my God given freedom of speech to criticize Donald Trump. I know he's a dangerous and evil person.

 

My Christian beliefs have changed over the years and I now think differently in several areas from what conservative Christians teach. I believe now that most human beings alive, and most people who have existed throughout human history, are not going to be forever separated from the hope, love, and goodness of God. I don't believe God is irrational like we are so I don't accept any longer that he will be unfair with us like our cruelly devised beliefs out of history suggest. As impressionable human beings, we unavoidably arrive at our beliefs differently, for reasons beyond anyone's control, such as where we're born, illiteracy, the culture we live in, ignorance, or simply because people, using our commonsense, refuse to embrace ancient dogma that seems to be partly irrational. 

The archaic writing from ancient scripture that teaches most human beings in this world will go to hell is crazier then any insanity I've witnessed in provincial psychiatric wards. To believe we are nothing more to God then destined in the majority to be cast into endless suffering, torment, and darkness, is beyond reasonable, it's pure madness, and this kind of crazy belongs to conservative Christianity not to my liberal Christian beliefs.

 

In the Christian tradition the Bible's ancient writing is believed to explain without error what God's plan is for the world and yet some of the words found in the books pages seem extremely unfair. When examined statistically, the scripture verses that say most people in the world are doomed to follow a broad road to hell is one example of this terrible unfairness. This books teachings are all said to be born of love and yet when we hear these frightful words passed down through history from a cruel ancient tradition we begin to tremble. We then desperately try and believe the right way in order to be one of the few people who escapes God's wrath on humanity. The church leaders unfairly teach this dogma to young children, to the lonely, and to fearful people looking for hope in this uncertain world.

 

This outdated insane belief is proof that many evangelicals are wrong in their understanding of God's plan of love for the world. I have been lifted up in my weariness by God and given great conviction that his ways are not their way when they teach this madness of hell. In fact, in actuality, I know God's love transcends everything they talk about when they divide up humanity ruthlessly and abandon great multitudes of people struggling imperfectly within the human condition.

 

After church leaders teach these old doctrines a small minority of people then dance, sing songs of heaven, and proclaim God's love self-assuredly while believing they are the only ones saved in a plan supposedly born of love. I don't think this madness is really showing true love for other people in the world at all and has to end with some future enlightened generation. In not losing sight of God, and his plan of love for human beings, we need to get rid of this hatred disguised as love.

 

 The views we have throughout life grow and change as God's friendship and love act on our lives and shape our understanding. I now have a newfound confidence that dares to examine those parts of history that I think God's love is not fairly present in. A source of this error, I now dare to believe, is certain Bible passages that fail to lead people in this world fairly.

 

 Three minority groups throughout history, because of writings found in Bible passages, have been treated especially unfairly. The first group of people, who faced the most insidious cruelty, were the black people who experienced the evil injustice of slavery. I no longer believe the words that casually accept slavery in the Bible come from God. The writing I believe originates instead out of the cruel early culture of the Roman Empire alone.

 

The Romans built their empire on the backs of slaves who did most of the brutal labor. When the Biblical scrolls were written under Roman occupation to criticize or call in question the legitimacy of slavery in any ancient writings would no doubt have resulted in the religious community responsible being swiftly executed by the Romans. The Romans would have seen a threat to the legitimacy of the state and acted with extreme violence. The horrific method of torture and execution that was commonly used was crucifixion and we know that Jesus was crucified cruelly in this way.

 

As a white person, I think we need to be reminded frequently of what happened in the past to the black community. History records millions of African children, women, and men kidnapped and trafficked across the Atlantic, ripped from their families and homelands--their communities torn apart, their bodies commodified, their humanity denied. It is a history of horrific suffering, crime, violence and exploitation.

 

 A slave could not by law be taught to read or write; he could not practice any religion without the permission of his master, and could never meet with his fellows, for religious or any other purposes, except in the presence of a white.

 

In the years of the slave trade Bible quoting southern ministers stood up before their large congregations, in large southern churches, and quoted frequently from the Bible. They quoted scripture verses, and used God, to justify the inhumane treatment of the black people. We need to see, remember, and understand that using the Bible in this way camouflaged over evil and allowed human beings to justify the atrocious mistreatment of other people on an almost incomprehensible scale. One passage in the Bible that serves to justify the continuation of slavery in this way is the following verse.

 

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free." 

 

I no longer believe these words originate from God nor do I believe any longer he would ask a human being to submit themselves to the acceptance of evil and its ways in total surrender and obedience. It is not reasonable, and makes no sense, that a loving and just God would ask a group of people to surrender to such cruel mistreatment and carry out agreeably the insidious tasks of a slave to supposedly please him.

 

Consider how harsh the labor was that slaves had to endure as they tried to obediently please God and their cruel wealthy white masters. Slaves were brutally controlled in later periods of human history because of the Roman era's influence on the words written into our Bible. Consider the whippings and the continues brutality people endured. To use the Bible to justify the continuation of slavery was not born of any good but was actually demonic and does not originate from a source of good at all in my very strong opinion. To treat any person or animal so unfairly has nothing to do with God and his love for us.

 

The second group of people to be treated terribly unfairly were the people of the gay community. Although I'm not gay myself, my views have also changed in how I think God views gay and lesbian people. I no longer think the unfair passages in the Bible, out of ancient Roman culture, speak accurately when the verses say how God views people who are gay and lesbian. The influence of ancient writing from the Bible, that's authority is said to come from God, can never be questioned, and this has lead to considerable historical cruelty and injustice for gays and lesbians. 

 

One example of this injustice I came across was the creation of the ecclesiastical courts. These cruel courts that looked to the Bible made a law that sodomy was an offense against God. The punishment for sodomy was people either being buried alive in the ground or being burnt to death. The latter of these cruel punishments was applied to "sorcerers, sorceresses, renegades, sodomites, and heretics who were publicly convicted.  

 

I now empathize greatly with gays and lesbians for the injustice of these ancient writings. The religious tradition supporting these ancient words has decided unfairly for all periods of history that followed that the normal human behavior of being gay and lesbian in nature be seen cruelly as an abomination. 

For years my own anger was judgmentally directed at gays and lesbians for their disobedience in not following the Bible's commands until following love, through my friendship with God, I finally realized there was a wisdom greater and more trustworthy then even the Bible. The gay community has endured great unfairness throughout history, and we can never allow it to happen again.

 

A third group of people to be mistreated through history, because of the interpretation of scripture passages found in the Bible, and these are not exclusively the only minority groups, were people living with mental illness. For millennia I learned society has treated people suffering from depression, autism, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses no better than slaves. The people living with mental illness throughout history were frequently imprisoned, tortured, or killed.

 

During the Middle Ages, mental illness was regarded as punishment from God; sufferers were thought to be possessed by the devil and were then burned at the stake or thrown in penitentiaries and madhouses to be chained to the wall or their beds.

 

During the Enlightenment, people living with mental illness were finally freed from their chains and institutions were established. Stigmatization and discrimination reached an unfortunate peak during the Nazi reign in Germany when hundreds of thousands of mentally ill people were murdered or sterilized.

 

Society still doesn't empathize enough with the weakness and vulnerability of people struggling to understand the real world while compromised in their minds judgment by delusional thinking. I believe homeless people, living with serious mental illness, deserve to be better protected by society. I think society owes it to weaker people, lost in this world in delusional thinking, that we look out for them better. I think homeless people living with mental illness should be provided fairly a small permanent shelter building, inside the perimeter of a safely organized mental health community, so they can return each night to a place they can call home. I've seen cities provide these homes to the homeless and I think people living with mental illness humanely deserve this kind of compassionate treatment from society.

 

As you can see I came to the conclusion that the Bible should not only be doubted and questioned in certain places but that certain verses deserve to be outright rejected. I unapologetically arrived to this realization while studying philosophy and listening to God's friendship in my life. I also believe that God's love is broader and actually universal in its reach extending to all the human condition everywhere. Beyond what the Christian community coldly accepts I know God loves and cares meaningfully about people in all cultures and communities everywhere. I no longer believe in a narrow road to life with God (that one person out of every thousand people has hope in finding) but instead I believe in a broad road that leads most of humanity to love and eternity with God.

 

 Finally, I don't think there is anything wrong with talking, writing, or thinking about sex. The imagination in every human person since the dawn of time has been filled with sexual fantasy. God knows every persons thoughts, billions of people's thoughts as they think this minute, and he's designed us in this way to have these thoughts about sex. These are not thoughts that are foreign to God's plan and design for the world. I do believe we should keep our thoughts lawful and away from destructive behavior, but most sexual fantasy is normal. I don't agree with any kind of shaming of anyone in their enjoyment in thinking about sex either. I obviously write about erotica in all my books, and I do so with a healthy belief in God's friendship and love. If people doubt that this friendship is real, I respectfully disagree with them while knowing in my heart their mistaken.

 

I'd like to now share a review that was given to one of my books. The name of the book reviewed is "Demons in the Pleasant Valley Hills" and the review was given by a man in the literary community in east Asia who writes very well knowing English only as a second language.

 

"Demons in the Pleasant Valley Hills" is a captivating and controversial novel expressing views that arise after the author chose to listen to the delusional experienced voices he experiences while living with paranoid schizophrenia. The unknown voices, guiding each chapter of the writing of this mysterious novel, prove then strangely enough, by their revealed insight, to challenge both widely held religious knowledge, and other profound works of philosophical thinking, by the voices authority, offering powerful and unique otherworldly arguments introduced into this clever, well constructed, and enjoyable narrative. A romantic, erotic, and mysterious journey the message given here in this novel is one of hope for all people everywhere, including everywhere in the larger world, and so the insight delivered here, unlike other religious messages, proves to bring a message of sanity and reasonable hope, while written powerfully by a paranoid schizophrenic.

 

I'd now like to change course and share here, like in a former blog entry, and in several of my novels, more clear thoughts that I received from God. This new insight from God came about philosophizing in a chat room I frequently visit since my last posting of similar thoughts in September. This inspiration is unique from my experiences of perceiving God's clear thoughts. This inspiration came about through the writing process itself as I typed out unique ideas that materialized mystically unto the page. These complex paragraphs introduce unusual ideas with mysteries origins that I know do not originate from me but come instead from somewhere beyond me and my own limited understanding.

 

 Before I share these philosophical thoughts here, that I've numbered, I’d like it to be known that I have written and accumulated quite a few of these thoughts since September and I will be adding these thoughts that I've saved to future blog posts. Thank you very much for taking the time to read the thoughts of this blog.

 

1) At the end of our days what we might inwardly then fear is that all love, and any good that is connected to love, in the known, and unknown reaches of existence, will be forever gone, and in that hopeless state we will come to know absolutely nothing. If we had the potential to examine reality, from this dreaded future place, we'd perhaps recall once knowing, or at least glimpsing, love in our past lives. Now from where we picture ourselves, however, we are standing in nonexistence. In seeing this after world, as it really turns out to be, whatever that might involve, might it involve instead of the annihilation of our existence, the opening of our eyes instead to real unseen possibility.

 

 Is it possible we could open our eyes instead to discover a different truth; a skeptical person might respond to such possibility very cynically: "but our eyes are missing, and our brains are rotting in our skulls. We could only know this truth," they might say, " if our caskets weren't filled with dirt, infiltrated by worms, and only if we weren't surrounded by pitch darkness. Only then could our eyes open and our brains function as sensoria’s of sight." 

 

A more open-minded, philosophical person, alternatively, might point to the sheer mysteriousness and spell bounding creativity of our world. They might look at the I in consciousness, the enigma of self-awareness, and the curious state of us knowing ourselves, somewhere in the midst of the great abyss of the unknown, and say life is a place of great wonder. Might the I, that is presumably me, that perceives myself as a thinking subject, they might argue, connect metaphysically each second of our lives to somewhere else beyond the I that I perceive, and have a reach to another unknown world; might that connection extend to somewhere else, somewhere different, with our thoughts and decisions now even being listened to, and perhaps influenced, in a connection to something else that contributes to all our thoughts and decisions, someone like God, who some of us believe listens to all the ideas and experiences we have throughout our lives.

 

When we think of ourselves from this vantage point of looking inwardly and we ask what this I in me is about, might this I, the part of us we think we are, which no other person has access to, be really connected to something beyond us here that exists and waits for us in a soon to be revealed hidden future; what are the real reasons for us belonging to this place; what otherness might listen to our internal deliberations; what other might contribute to the decisions we make; what part of ourselves and our unique personalities is truly important; what place in the unknown waits to reveal itself to us if we are truly important in the grand scheme of life;  Might some connections of the I be to a dark place; a nefarious evil who now prowls the universe hunting for human beings for reasons outside our understanding. If God's plan and design for the world involves a state of future good clearly his plan reaches beyond what we understand. Might God's planning involve the capacity to catalogue our inward experiences throughout our lives all the time knowing every detail about our unique personalities in the world. Can we remain hopeful, and hold a reasonable belief, that the connection we experience now to the presence of God will lead us to a future good that involves our survival. 

 

2) To have your eyes partially open, to not be in complete darkness any longer; to look around and realize that what you once doubted waits to be known; to then marvel, after seeing more clearly, and saying "There might be a good story here after all." To then say suspiciously, but with astonishment, while not lacking hope like before. "What is this that I'm part of here really all about?"

 

3) On the darkest trail, leading through the dreariest way, the sounds of hell can be heard reverberating from afar as fear takes hold in you. If a persons imagination before now failed to produce a belief in fairness his shaken nerves and despairing perspective would now quell all potential hopefulness and poison the springs of hope. There in the bog around you witches and demons cast their spells; murderers and whoremongers nearby you scheme and plot; the depth of this side of life's depravity looms nearby with a persons only reprieve found in getting to a place where ones perspective sees not just one more optimistic thought, not just one more fleeting glance at a rumored fairness, but is able to see something far more wonderful, a truth that isn't an illusion, but that exists as an actual good on a scale so grand that its endurance and size will only prove to that person that hope was never a mirage.

 

 4) In the deepness of the unknown, in the reaches of outer space somewhere, within the unexplored and uncharted sky, there are great mysteries; dig a bit deeper and astonishing new discoveries are made; when thought about for a few years; perhaps this is a clue; then after eons of time this idea is added to others and given added dimensions; then as observations are continuously made, new possibilities emerge; reality in this way continues to reveal truths hidden behind layers, all found in discoveries made over time, as our lives experience stages of history, all the time with us hoping, or doubting, some of us lacking hope of any kind that this life has purpose, others daring to look for possibility, maybe out in the greater creative order, where there are different terms from earth; dare we look farther like this, further then before; what might there be out there, in that outlying place, potentially watching us now, a something else; can we catch a glimpse of it somehow, if we say how, why don't we dare to imagine such otherness could be real. "l can't rely on hope in something larger that is good and deny my use of healthy skepticism," the sceptic says, "there are limits when honestly evaluating possibility, and in life there can't possibly be anything in actuality that is good, not in this clearly answerless place, nothing," they continue to say, "can overcome darkness, finality, and meaninglessness, in this pointless existence." but another voice then says alternatively, "or can there be more to this life, an even greater something that people refuse to consider as possible, an unknown that will upend all worlds as we know them and make known to us finally what is truly good.

 

 5) In the unknown there hides an evil eraser; it erases truth, and it erases justice, and it erases hope, hiding deliberately from sight all that is good, as it eliminates all fairness, and removes from view anything that is not dark and hopeless. In response to such egregious efforts of unfairness there is a town crier who's voice is loud and uproarious; unfortunately however he is considered a buffoon, but he gives loud speeches nonetheless and in them makes arguments that defend commonsense as he sees it. Though his voice is often muffled and quelled by ridicule his rationality and respectable message gradually gets heard by those with the patience to listen closely; and although his voice at first is suspected by many to be weak the message he preaches begins to produce an unusual belief; can his words be taken seriously; can he be believed in what he says.

 

 6) I was in love once.

 

    I was in love twice actually but I'm not in love now.

 

    I was in love with love the first time, 

   

    and not merely acting as a foolish adolescent even though I was young.

 

    I was in love with an idea and a feeling far greater then what she would have ever understood about me.

 

    I was in love with the idea of our lasting and unbreakable friendship, a relationship strong enough that nothing could ever destroy it, of a reciprocal affection so honest, determined, and unshakable that its resolve of kindness, and the belief we had in one another, could never be diminished or destroyed by any obnoxious voices within the world.

 

    I was of course a hopeless romantic who like many idealistic people of different ages set his hearts affection on another person innocently only to have my love rejected. I believed at the time mistakenly, and I think naively, that matters of love can always be handled with great insight by the person who is the recipient of your love. In hindsight, however, I understand I placed far too much importance on the decisions she would make as to who she thought I was and how she interpreted my worth, and now I see with more wisdom that she rejected me for very ordinary reasons beyond what my idealistic heart had once believed; in actuality she had no revealing view that saw into the depth of my soul or being.

 

 She could not have seen me like God to know of my real value and worth as a human being. I know now that we naturally as persons, after relationships end, place far too much importance on the intuitive understanding of other people who often handle our open hearts poorly. After being rejected we spend unnecessary hours asking ourselves if we actually matter more then our rejecter thinks when the truth is of course we matter more. I realize we are naive through our love in the order of the cosmos when we believe simplistic people can figure out our true value when in actuality, they can't most of the time see the full beauty we possess inside of us.

 

I put my trust and hopes in a young naïve person opening my heart to a young woman who would dispel me of my belief that my love for her mattered. I was immature as a man, and had an immature heart, meeting nothing wiser then another immature opinionated person. What that really says about her, however, is she, like all of us here, has more value in God's eyes then any opinion we can form will ever be able to come close to understand. What I really needed to find, I discovered over time, was far greater in value then what I lost. I needed to find friendship and real guidance from an omnipotent transcendent spirit of love and goodness, a being so large and beautiful that no imperfect person, not me, or anyone else here in this world can ever come close to grasping his ways; a spirit of eternity and life-giving power that beyond all experienced evil can be trusted to ultimately never reject us or break our heart.

 

My hearts hope of finding and receiving love did matter after all. This young woman wasn't going to settle the matter of my worth or determine who I am. Nor was the second woman I met several years later, who I also loved, who also rejected me, going to define me. We are all imperfect people wondering ignorantly down a fog draped road with the mist around us obscuring the visibility of nearby signposts; the sign posts are said to give directions, if we can see them, but there never wise enough directions in this great wilderness. We are wondering along an uncharted path, somewhere in time, somewhere in the mysteriousness of the unknown, listening for directions from different human voices, who stand frequently, even if not recognized, in ignorance, while often too sure of ourselves that we understand the way forward with certainty; we pass by other imperfect broken hearts and we smile as we walk into the unknown waiting and wondering if the fog will ever lift.

 

7) Whether a person was alive in 900 BC in ancient Greece, before the time of Christ, in ancient Egypt before that, a Roman citizen in 200 AD, a medieval peasant in the middle ages, a knight in King Henry's court;  name any location in the world, of any time period in history, regardless what ideas moved around the individual, regardless what they believed, and how right or wrong the person was in what they thought, believed, and acted upon; who can stand up and say authoritatively: "I am this persons judge;" who has the authority and power, based on flawed human belief systems, to direct their judgmental opinions and self-righteously judge anyone with condemnation while supposedly interpreting rightly what God in his omnipotent mercy knows.

 

8) On the tip of the ladder, just above the highest rung; I'm talking a very impressive ladder, the ladder of all ladders, that's where you can picture yourself standing, perhaps looking over a great unknown; how far can you see; how much lay before your eyes to behold; do the views up there impress you; is the unknown comparable to a scale that you recognize; don't ask the shortsighted; don't ask someone without imagination; don't ask the hopeless or dull of hearing, but ask instead the openminded; ask the pure of heart who believes in love and its reach.

 

9) A lot is rumored to be great in the mystery of tomorrow but there are no eyewitnesses to verify it and explain what's waiting out there in the unknown. We're therefore left to guess and hope our way forward while here on this world. Yet perhaps existence in its great complexity isn't presenting us merely with a mirage of possibility when we hope in what exists behind this life. Perhaps those of us who see life as purposeless, and ultimately as lacking any rational explanation, are wrong, and maybe this lack of open-mindedness fails to fathom the potential wonders in the mysterious reaches surrounding us.

 

There are groups of determined people waging an unremitting campaign against hope in life who are trying desperately to sell the widespread resignment that life leads only to our ultimate annihilation, but what if we were to dull such voices volume down and suggest instead there might be a little bit more to life's puzzle, something unseen, an additional and larger factor to consider; as ideas go, as knowledge is understood, maybe somewhere among this infinite place we're in is actual hope. We're alone here now, amid such emptiness, to confront such uncertainty, while alive looking into a wilderness, is astonishing, but from our limited vantage point has not life produced in our understanding a kind of illusion; perhaps this illusion is directly related to realities size, which we might be meant to grow comfortable in our daily life not thinking much about, but perhaps it's conceivable that we don't even begin to understand the scope and scale of what surrounds us. Might this limitation in seeing realities size and potential cause us to perceive of reality only in a way we know and are familiar with.

 

The puzzle of life however should not perhaps be looked at as accidental, and perhaps it was never intended to be looked at curiously by the weak of heart; but there is arguably a hint here of great genius, and even more then a hint, there are overwhelming clues in abundance pointing even the blind toward an intelligence hidden behind life's wondrous artistic canvas;; if we look at reality right then, life suggests a large puzzle, one of sizable incomprehensibility, its ways offering always the suggestion of something new unlike anything we've ever seen before.

 

10) If we look way over there, far off in one direction, out into the open spaces, you can faintly observe a source of something mysterious waiting to be seen; you then quickly recognize that it possesses an unusual feature, you then recognize that it has a voice waiting to be heard. What will it say and how will you be expected to respond. As you listen carefully the voice can suddenly be heard speaking. "I talk and talk and talk, words, signs, but you never take note of what I repeat; you do not understand me; you are yet to understand my language; you remain in complete darkness, and you fight against all light; your hearts remain out of rhythm; if you could understand my language you might try harder to be fair; you no doubt would try to be reasonable; if you learn to forgive, your own broken nature would be forgiven; quiet the poison; look open-mindedly to the one who cares for everything you are.

 

11) Yes of course the heart wants to be loved back, and there are many people who conspire to prevent the heart from knowing this love, such people are not rare; these conspirators of the heart lurk in the hedgerows beside life's treacherous path, all as a great mass of the open hearted pass by; the multitude passing by are looking for love, with the hope of being loved; this belief involves love mattering, love enduring, of life being structured on a foundation unseen but that is good; we could estimate that love might maybe reach far into the unknown, beyond even the shadows of the grave, because of a great unseen power; we know that love is interesting, but can we trust that its this far reaching in its scope; this is the building material of hopefulness, of a mind in pursuit of what’s truly fair, it recognizes great value in the calming of gentle overhead winds, and sees clarity in an open heart that deserves to be treated with decency and compassion.

 

 12) There might not exist a lowlier place in this world then discovering ourselves a patient in a psychiatric ward in a mental hospital surrounded by people suffering with mental illness. For people like me who have found themselves in this situation, surrounded by other disheveled mentally ill people, and then to examine oneself, and your own self-importance, teaches you an important lesson about life in this existence and I have doubt that this experience has humbled me. I was forced in this lowly state to examine my self-imagined self-important in the world, which opened my eyes to see value in the lowest place in society while experiencing the indifference in the world toward me. Think about the awful language Donald Trump uses when he describes "deranged mental patients sneaking across the border and coming into the USA." This is language not born of love, like church leaders believe it is, but is an evil way of looking at the least important people in the lowly places where people of compassion are often absent but where Jesus is always present.

 

 I realized in the mental hospital that throughout the remainder of my life I would never again be seen by many people as possessing real deserved dignity in society. If I was to be seen with dignity that perspective could only come from people who are truly enlightened who understand real fairness.

 

 Most of the time its only ourselves who can retain our own dignity as we try and hold up our heads in community. After experiencing the bazar delusional thoughts that run through your mind, and after encountering the inhospitable people who look down on you, a person begins to empathize more with other people like yourself developing from the experiences a lasting compassion and concern for all people's humanity great and small. This learning curve leads to a humbler nature and helps conquer any lingering pride. 

 

In my Christian faith Jesus says to love your neighbor and having concern for disadvantaged people, unlike Trumps behavior, I think is a natural part of that love. I have been disappointed therefore in my life's journey because I didn't see Christian people reaching out to the mentally ill in any mental wards, I've been a patient in over the years. When I looked for people of faith in the most destitute places in North America and hoped to see a face of love no such people were ever humble enough to be there at that lowly level. In this place there are truly desperate and lonely people, people far more desperate then me, who really needed to experience love from concerned people. A local church could have asked permission to bring the psyche ward a pizza; people could have come and visited for just five minutes, sat in the smoking room, listened to the patience, and left bringing light into the world.

 

13) Is there potentially a far-reaching outstretching depth of hidden knowledge beyond the edges of everything we think we understand here. Is it possible that we misunderstand very significantly realities size as we gaze obliviously around to the uncharted frontiers we've been strangely placed amid; could a great gulf of logic and commonsense, exist out there. Might we be destined to some day soon venture into the awaiting uncertain spaces; as we did what might we near in that unventured unexplored terrain; would we approach something new, grand in appearance, who's behaviors were new and unheard of; might we be stepping into possibilities great domain, or only be walking into a forever empty vacant realm. 

 

14) Does something like God lurk out there, watching us, secretively weighing the scenario we exist in; and if he knows something we don't what is it that he knows. What lesson for us to experience does he conceal; what is hidden about his ways. I am yet to see God's complete willingness to share with us every answer as to this puzzle, so as to entirely clarify the enigma, to open a window, a door, that I could then crawl through ,or step, to move outside this ignorance, to venture curiously out into our unexplored surroundings on this strange planet, to see finally where this puzzle I’m part of roams, to open my mind, to lead me to see reality as it actually is, because nothing here now, until I die and pass through a real door, reveals things fully, and this is the illusion of uncertainty God's paint brush produces; he deliberately and artistically produces in us a wonder as to why we're here in a setting part of perhaps an  incomplete and yet to be finished work of art.

 

 15) In absolutely the most hatful state, located somewhere in the unknown, with its location currently unknown, in the vastness of who knows what story, leading into who knows where, surrounded there by the stench of rottenness to the core, a place where every person is your enemy, where every attempt to rise above other people's scorn is impossible; to then hope secretly there is more; to wonder if what one knows now is all there is; to dream of far better terms, on a different plain, in an order that's not so terribly unfair; to then step free somehow unto a cloud; to be carried up and far away into an entirely new reality of change, a transformation stirringly unusual, opening your appreciation to new knowledge, where you hear a curious and especially wonderful explanation that describes what we're now really part of, describing its purpose, whether or not you find the explanation possible to believe; you then look up into the sky and with your eyes you scan east and west along the horizon smiling because of what you now think you glimpse about life's mystery.

 

16) Someone, it's been revealed, once spent time spreading a rumor; it was an impossible story, of an impossible place. This someone claimed that life somehow existed, but we all knew that life couldn't exist; we had wondered before if life could exist but we knew it couldn't and didn't; there was no platform large enough to sustain existence and even if one could be built how would its occupants be sustained on it, and how would they be kept preoccupied; what would they be told, or be allowed to figure out about reality; what illusion, to keep them preoccupied, would they pursue; what would make their lives interesting, and who would create the design; would they ever be allowed to know the truth of their existence.

 

17) A wise man once said: "I experienced it! I did I tell you! I knew joy for years! I was liked by all and loved by who I decided to love. I was entertained by everything, and I was free of any burdens, free of worry of any kind, and knew no fears. I looked around and I couldn't understand the men around me. Their emotions ran wild, ranging from uncontrolled anger to deep hopeless sadness and despair; I pitied these men, I did, but why was I not like them? Then my awareness of life grew to understand something even more mysterious; one day I began to perceive that what I was a part of here was not all as it seemed; I doubted this realization first, but somehow afterwards I began to believe strangely that this awareness was real; this that is here, I then recognized, is not all here without a purpose; the real explanation for being here I thought really does remain hidden; my longing from then on to know the complete truth has grown greater each minute of every single day.

 

18) A man and woman are standing on a lonely shore beside the ocean on an enormous planet spiraling through the solar system. Standing and looking up into the sun the man says to the woman.

 

 "It's our job to construct a world view here. We must build this world view into a credible explanation that describes us belonging here to this existence."

 

"We can't possibly do it right." The woman responds with irritation in her voice.

 

"I realize that" the man says, "but very few people here have our kind of understanding." 

 

"Anyway," said the woman, "How can this life even be seen as good with the problem of evil existing here."

 

"How can life not be looked at as good with the presence of good here." The man responded.

 

The woman thought briefly and then she said. 

 

"Why are our world views all filled with so much error? Is to construct a foundation of reliable knowledge here only to er continuously and why is it our job to council other impressionable people; people always listen to us innocently and then believe us. Is it not more conceivable that real truth remains obscure and still remains mysteriously buried somewhere within natures mystery in a place no one has yet looked. Might all our beliefs about reality here know illusions when we think we have an idea what real truth should look like." 

 

The man looked at the woman and answered her with an agreeable tone in his voice. "and also, how can we trust our teachers, men and women with short lived, infant, baby like durations on this aged earth. These self-proclaimed experts step into our path equipped with accumulated ideas still practically toddlers; they grab hold of a hand full of ideas they like in their infancy, arrange them in clusters, and then pride themselves in the persuasive delivery of such claims. They believe they understand life as they stand before us and say "this is what the truth is" one babe, followed by another, one comes and another follows, moving by in time like Shepherds guiding sheep, in every culture, with every kind of religious message, across all terrains, with so many different visions, telling multitudes in each conversation what hope is or isn't in this world while thinking that they know of God's nonexistence, like they speak reliably for him." 

 

"Someone will tell you both what true reality is one day very soon." 

 

"Who is that I hear speaking?" asked the woman.

 

"Yes, who's voice is that we hear?" asked the man curiously.

 

"I am one who would prefer not to say who I am." the same deep voice responded. "I will tell you however that the mystery of tomorrow is greater then the mystery of today. Truth is secretly layered in mystery; mystery upon mystery, as truth gets unearthed, one further aspect of reality now sees gradually more of what  ones place is here in this strange existence; this is followed by another revealed clue, as a blue print takes incomplete shape to describe the structure of the world, all shaping an understanding of the designs complexity; as a brilliant plan takes shape causing men to wonder if life perhaps is not answerless, pointing to a knowledge and wisdom that is deep, challenging, and deliberately indiscernible." 

 

"Yes, just lift up your eyes" the deep voice continued to speak after a period of silence. "Look around, this is a world built for consciousness; a state prepared to wonder in, collide, in all manner of bumbling’s, organizing, planning, searching, inventing, turning up the topsoil, and planting lush green gardens, naming the plant life, wondering within nature, while met here by what is both subtly and hauntingly profound about life; ponds with floating lily pads, frogs peeping in full-throated noise in the twilight, as sparrows dot the trees singing with the approach of nightfall; bats soaring mosquito hungry through the night air, a man crouched in the alters looking through the long grasses; the sky’s moon in the eternal sky now rising in the great abyss of space; surrounded by a universe filled with wonders that no eye has ever seen; with such mystery as this, is not this from planning; do you still question whether God is real.

 

19) Sitting in the dark there is the possibility someone might turn on a light, or that the morning sun might rise causing the crickets in the dewy grass to begin to sing, rising up over the world and giving light for a time until dusk, when the full moon appears, the old candles are lit, or the newly invented lightbulb is turned on,  in a room a coffin is shut, and then mourners voices sing, waiting for angels and God to open the eyes of all the dead, the cold hard bony skeletons of the ages, among time and its eternity; on a world with creative fountains, and ancient relics, in the bounds of deep space somewhere within that territories infinite reach, as minds wonder about life's continuation, and ask if light truly shines upon all darkness, if good can prove itself ultimately more then an illusion.

 

20) If the greatest road is unmarked who might follow its way and where might it lead; does the path wind through breathtaking hills, and descend into pristine river valleys, move through glens and mid August forests, does the sun on this great road also rise in the east, might  joy follow the travelers who walk along its path; what of real answers rumored to wait ahead; do the mysteries of past impressions cause men to now wonder and ask questions for a reason: "Where is life's journey leading us."

 

21) Let your heart not be troubled. I am here with you Donald and I'm not leaving you. My plan for you is a good one. What I have prepared for you extends higher into the unknown then Everest and reaches deeper into a frontier more spectacular then the remotest Himalayan walking trail.

 

I will reveal to you what is hidden ahead, on the opposite side of night, as the stars pull back, you will begin to understand on a new day that you are not surrounded by empty void but stand on the threshold of my creative playground. It is then you will first glimpse my joy that you will never grow tired of knowing.

 

There are many possibilities like this one that I am yet to reveal to you. Keep walking in my love while drawing in deep hopeful breaths that allow your lungs to be filled with my peace. I stand  next to you  quietly painting on a great canvass. The artwork I paint on this canvass will reveal the secrets of no more death, suffering, or evil of any kind. The future I have prepared for you has both life and great purpose in the design.

 

Let your heart dare to believe and hope in what I speak of to you now. I will soon lead you into a new land where among everything else good that is known there you will shed no more tears. You will drink there from the fresh tranquil springs tasting water from heaven that I will give you to drink. I am here with you Donald; my ways are good, and they pass all understanding.