Written while slightly intoxicated on my forty-forth birthday

I was saying something today to an online friend who also turned forty-four this year. She said forty-four wasn’t old and I thought  In response that I didn’t know if forty-four was old or not. Yet already at this age I've known a few friends who haven't made it this far. I've also heard of many others who hadn't made it until this age either. So I'm just grateful to have had, not a perfect life, but a fair life to last this long. I’ve known struggles in mental illness, loneliness, fear but I have allot to be grateful for as well.  

I've had opportunities to experience things not every person has in this world. I think God will make that loss up to those people who have alternatively had very difficult lives. It’s just what I think will happen.  

I am grateful for the life I’ve had though. I may live into old age, who knows, but regardless if I do, or I don’t, I've known God here in life as a friend. I’ve been alive here existing as a person in His world with His friendship. I therefore have because of what I’ve experienced through God every reason to believe in a future with Him and to anticipate that future as being full of possibility. I see that prospect as a fairness that will be revealed where what awaits is a better expression of love that is much fairer and more genius then anything encountered here.

 I've really glimpsed a love this world doesn’t even partially have, I have, in talking to God. I long to be in that place where that love is at it's fullest but I know life here for now is a gift and it's to be lived and appreciated. I’d love to be where happiness is full, where you know your loved completely, where there is no anxiety, where there is perfect peace and creativity is unstoppable and unending and there is no more pain emotional or physical. To be where every experience is liberated from every worry is where one day I feel I actually will be. 

As I speculate and lack the adequate insight into just how powerful the reach of the good I speak of is I consider this: We now only glimpse through the millions of species of living creatures the extent of the power that put the world in it's life giving orbiting home here. That force gave opportunity to all life, but especially to our human life, in the unique capacity we have to name these strange but beautiful phenomena and ask questions about them and about us and our meaning and purpose and future.

The ability that allows us to consciously ask the questions about our surroundings is unique to human beings. To wonder as to the force behind all these peculiar anomalies we alone have the unique insight into wondering upon as we’re balanced on an orbiting sphere. This is an underestimated gift.

 It's a peculiar platform we’re on here. This is a really strange anomaly that we’re born to existence as opposed to being a nihilistic example of pure nothingness. Here we are on a peculiar projectile in the Heavens. We are somewhere we human inhabitants here can only wonder about and only claim to understand if we falsely and misleadingly say we know for certainty sake the reason for it in answering what it’s all about. To explain it all away proves to be only inadequate guessing. This life is then packed full of so much grandeur. This kind of possibility like many of us I continue to wonder about.

Billions reach for hope out of this speculation here. Out of historical traditions, our of parables by wise men, and the claims of truth that are said to have come from God intervening in the past in the world, we contemplate this life. We fearfully don’t fully understand the truth. 

This is a marvelous opportunity  however to marvel at the genius puzzle of the uncertain. We are all adventurers, all of us here, for to face the utter unknown like we are and to wonder about it's prospect really is the biggest adventure. We wonder, some of us, about a Being of significant size, of a transcending and creative ability and understanding as to design this all.

This theater of life, I feel, is a gift as much as its a battle of uncertain storms with worry, fear and grief. Yet hope in life having a meaning is ours to look for or perhaps even to find. That hope is there inviting us to venture out on a limb, looking as we live, before the unknown.